• Thanks a lot Kelly Clarkson. Now we have to see an entire VMA show with no Gwen Stefani. And what's the point of that? [Page Six]

• We think about Michael Bloomberg singing Shakira’s “My Hips Don’t Lie,” and the child inside of us dies. Thankfully. It's better to die than experience that. [NYDN]

• DMX finally returns, bringing along with him, the worst album title since William Hung’s “Hung for the Holidays” [Houston Press]

• You know Eminem is really bad when it causes a girl to write about him in her MySpace blog. [TMZ]

• We wonder what act of sexual deviance Vanessa Minnillo allowed Nick Lachey to perform to get him to forget about his ex-wife in just a week. [Page Six]