Exclusive
There we were yesterday afternoon. It was around 5:20pm. We were just trying to mosey our way to the Angelika to catch Ryan Gosling in his underwear (and an awkwardly sexless relationship with his character's student) when, right outside the Prada store in Soho, we spot a crowd gathering a shouting. Luckily we had Jossip HQ's high-budget (read: piece-of-crap) camera with us (which explains the choppy footage), so we're gonna take you for a wild ride of high fashion security cartel. It's a 7-minute ride, baby, so grab your snacks and watch Prada's goons hold down the perp — who allegedly ran out of the store with an $850 jacket, the pricetag of which we only learned because, it turns out, Prada's security are just as interested in showing off luxury goods as its customers. You'll also be treated to the walkie-talkie types telling us to turn the camera off, curse and berate the suspect ("Don't fuckin' move!"), wave around the fashion-mistake-of-a-jacket while they wait for the cops to arrive — and the suspect telling the fuzz that we've got it all on video. In the end, we're just doing our duty to ensure the accused's rights weren't violated by NYPD dropouts — and hoping you'll hang around the site during the entire seven minutes so it makes our advertisers think our readership is "sticky."

I'm sorry, was this supposed to be compelling or something?
You would think working for Prada the fat ass rent a cop would have a suit that fits worth a fuck and decent shoes…typical fucking mook….