• Hey, know what your morning commute has been missing? A giant, somewhat-terrifying shark hologram! And a clean pair of shorts.

• Nation’s largest university to become even larger. Seriously, quit taking over our city, NYU.

• What’s grosser than a 69 year old having sex? A 69 year old having sex with a mother and her daughter in an crappy airport motel.

• Hey, douchebag—the way it works is, you set the flaming bag of dog poo on fire. Not the actual dog.

• Ah, remember the good old days, when you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who wasn’t bribing his (or her!) college professors with money and/or sexual favors?

• This is exactly what happens when Tony Soprano forgets to use weights.