• We'll agree pay more for a subway the day we don't have to stand with our face pressed against a non-deodorant wearing stranger and our Marc Jacobs bag caught in the closing doors.

• Taxis rumored to go on strike, presumably because they're afraid city will catch crack down on their time-honored policy of ripping off tourists and not picking up black people.

• New Yorker's have ridiculously high Mercury levels, thanks to their ridiculously frequent visits to ridiculously priced restaurants like Sushi Samba. Ridiculous!

• The Sheryll Princess dinner cruise. It's just like Rosie's cruise, except without the unfunny lesbian humor and all the gay people.

• You know those annoying panhandlers who seem magnetically drawn to you on the subway? Well, thanks to this judge, police can't really do anything about them, other than buy suspiciously cheap candy that helps subsidize their dirty crack habits inner-city basketball team.