• A woman falls into a pit after the sidewalk grill gives way. Fortunately, there was an electrified power vault right there to cushion her fall.

• An old man was found beaten to death in his longtime residence on the Upper East Side; his loved ones gathered to mourn the loss of this amazing, rent-controlled apartment.

• DWI arrests have risen 123%. Damn you, Long Island!

• A woman tosses a baby carriage into the Hudson river. Related: Britney Spears' loses "Worst Mother" award.

• According to the latest test scores, the majority of city school kids are failing Social Studies. When reached for comment, a somber Mayor Bloomberg begged them not to go on Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?