• Rudy Giuliani's political playbook was stolen when thieves apparently mistook him for Jets' coach Eric Mangini.

• A construction worker heroically jumped onto the tracks to save a stranger from being hit by an oncoming train; apathetic New Yorkers everywhere marvel.

• Prices for NYC apartments fell slightly last quarter, dropping from obscene to completely ridiculous.

• New York to West Coast: Make more movies like The Queen, less like Rocky Balboa.

• Global warming causes confused cherry trees to blossom early, enables annoying hipster "legging look" to endure through middle of Winter.