That's right. Fuck you, news organizations. (P.S. We're all going to hell for this.)

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Terrible pop rapper Bow Wow has been quoted as saying that he so dislikes gays he once refused to have his hair cut by a homosexual. "He didn’t want a gay barber touching his head," says one of the musician's associates, who probably expected more from life.

To help support the hateful little Mr. Wow on his mission to avoid contact with anything remotely LGBT, here's a collection of pictures that speaks to his utter straightness. This should ensure no gay tries to touch his "head" ever again.

Pants down, shirt off, loving embrace: NO HOMO!

Say what you will about the massive, flat, vermin-ridden rodeo land that is the state of Texas, but a new poll suggests Texans themselves might not be as nutty as you think. According to Rasmussen Reports, only 18 percent of Texas voters would ever choose to secede from the United States, while a full 75 percent would do no such thing, knowing full well that Texas needs, y'know, roads and police and THE NFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully, this information exposes the following clip of Glenn Beck praising a howling bunch of Texas secessionists on Wednesday for what it is: a demagogue riling up a mob obsessing over a pipe dream. Our favorite part is when the secessionists begin chanting "USA!" Irony is also not big in Texas, apparently.

Jann Wenner's never been one to make "conventional" decisions. It took him way too many years to get his publications online, and once he finally did hire a digital director, it came as a last resort after he was forced to cut Rolling Stone's size from "mega-large" to "normal size." The recent issue of his Us Weekly publication was one giant advertisement for an HBO film. And now Wenner's making the biggest change of all: Closing the RS headquarters from its home base in San Francisco, where he founded the magazine over 4 decades ago. How long before Cameron Crowe writes his eulogy for the birthplace of his career?

He thinks that she slept with a couple of his roommates. And she tried to sleep with him while we were still together- there was a party at the house, I wasn't there, and she attempted to stick her hand down his pants but they were too tight.

You're a lifesaver, Uniqlo!

In case you've been too busy tracking Ashton Kutcher's Twitter war with CNN, the other big stories this week have involved teabags, hipsters, and pirates. It's like a quirky Wes Anderson movie, but for real! Unfortunately, just like The Royal Tenenbaums, these stories get cloying after the umpteenth viewing.

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At left, Rupert Everett last year. At right, that same Rupert Everett on a recent episode of Martha Stewart. Just horrible.

Via

Something looks different at Variety, what could it be, what could it be…oh, that's right, the L.A. trade magazine now resembles the front page of Box Office Mojo. We'd hate to point a finger here, but it can't be a coincidence that this overhaul comes just days after the announcement that longtime editor-in-chief Peter Bart was stepping down and the magazine was cutting staff as part of company-wide layoffs at Reed. Hey, with less writers, putting up dry box office numbers is one way to fill up all that pesky blank space on your website.

Surprisingly, the new White House puppy Bo's influence on Obama can already be quantified. Why else would our president suddenly be sniffing Felipe Hinojosa's ass during his recent visit to Mexico City?

It's nice to see that the economy has picked up enough for Si Newhouse to start throwing parties again. Although the fare must not have been so great: The biggest stars at the Conde Nast Traveler Hot List event were the Real Housewives and Paul Sevigny. What, no Chloë? Times are tough. See if you can guess who these B-listers are without a helpful name guide!

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Barack and Michelle Obama made $2.66 million last year, much of it coming from book sales bolstered by Barack's presidential victory. They also gave over $170,000 to charity and paid close to a million dollars in taxes. Now you know.

Michael Scott on The Office may have made TWSS one of the more popular/annoying euphemism-destroying phrases in the history of American linguistics, but that doesn't mean we can't beat this thing into the ground even harder (Obligatory: That's what she said). Of course the whole purpose of that joke is kind of ruined when The Office is used as basis for a porno, which Huffington Post has lovingly compiled in their "5 Pornos Based On Beloved American SitComs." I just watch for the heartwarming character development.

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An Irish friend whose mother's early years were tainted by violence in Belfast used to have to repeat this phrase 100 times whenever she got unreasonably angry as a child: "Violence begets violence." A good punishment, and true.

Perfect example: Angry that American Navy SEALs fought off a thieving band of Somali pirates last week, killing three of them in the process, another Somali pirate has vowed to take out any American he finds on the high seas.

We will seek out the Americans, and if we capture them we will slaughter them…Last night, an American-flagged ship escaped us by a whisker. We have showered them with rocket-propelled grenades.

No joke, this revenge-seeking (and apparently very literate) pirate goes only by "Ismael."

This is the best car chase I've seen since O.J. Maybe even better because once you get to the part where the female driver just starts doing donuts on the freeway, you can hear the sound technicians giggling hysterically in the background.

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How long is this Gossip Girl thing going to ride out for? Half my friends still don't know who Chuck Bass is (this is why they are my friends), and yet we're already getting bombarded by a reality show about NYC prep kids that is marketing itself as the real life Gossip Girl. And now Dove soap, which usually markets in body-friendly campaigns with an emphasis on au naturale, has decided to jump on the Blair and Serena bandwagon as well with a series of commercials aimed at the Constance Billard-loving set.

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