Joanne Millard, 68, a resident at Riverfront Apartments, slipped on a rock and then fell into the water while dumping tea leaves from a plastic bag into the river to protest the recent trillions of dollars in government spending

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As surprising as Goldman Sachs posting a profit for Q1 is the fact that any magazine was able to see a little revenue come their way. Isn't this the death of print we're dealing with here? But as Jeff Bercovici reminds us, out of the 246 titles tracked by the Publishers Information Bureau, only 15 managed to keep out of the red. And what were some of those mags that posted the highest profit?

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Here's a real brainbuster for you: If a man or woman is large enough that they require more than one seat on an airplane or other carrier service, should they be charged for the extra room? Lord knows we have an obesity epidemic in this country, but there's always that "maybe it's a physical disorder, maybe they just love their Whoppers too much" dilemma. United Airlines has decided to forgo the niceties provided by other transportation services, as their new policy will involve charging the overweight a full ticket for every extra seats they fill.

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That hurts.

Pictures: Splash

A new advertisement in Spain for Burger Kings' Tex-Mex style hamburger has brought the Mexican embassy to town. They are negotiating with the Spanish government to remove these ads, which they deem an offensive stereotype, not to mention a misuse of the Mexican flag. What, just because it shows a big, tall, strapping American cowboy with his little dark Poncho Villa sidekick next to him, draped in the flag of his country like a swaddled baby? Yeah, some people get offended so easily these days.

We told you those tax day "tea parties" were going to be pathetic, and now we've got the photographs to prove it. Click through to see how quickly "anti-spending rallies" turn into nothing more than paranoid hives of McCarthyism, homophobia and nostalgia for the good old days of slavery.

A tip: Number seven is the best.

Listen, no one loves a good backlash of previously trumpeted anything more than us. But according to The Observer, the reason Twitter is going to fail is the many incidents of Fail Whale, i.e. too many users joining too quickly. Wouldn't that be a sign of Twitter's success as a social networking program, if not a technological manna? We'd like to see the Twitter backlash begin not over their shaky start-up technology (hey, if the site's growing too fast for the servers to keep up, that's a good thing, right?), but over the social ramifications of feeling "closer" to celebrities like Samantha Ronson and Jimmy Fallon, just because we can read their asinine Tweets.

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CNBC may no longer be blindly following sister company MSNBC in their blind love for President Obama, but that doesn't mean G.E. chief Jeff Immelt has to be happy about it. After Rick Santelli's tea party rant (which has lead to much teabagging on the part of the conservative movement), Immelt and Jeff Zucker met for a closed-door conference on whether or not their financial network has factioned itself off from the tone of the rest of the network.

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Yesterday we told you about the four women maybe involved with the dissolution of pious philanderer Mel Gibson's 28-year marriage. Today, a new mistress emerges.

Oksana Grigorieva used to date former James Bond star Timothy Dalton. The couple split years ago, but not before having a son together. It's this Oksana who is believed to be the brunette photographed "frolicking" on a Costa Rican beach with Gibson last month.

Mel Gibson: Bangin' Russian single mothers for Jesus!

Afghan women protesting a law preventing them from charging their husbands with rape were pelted with rocks in Kabul today. It was all a great reminder of how well our eight-year-old war to bring democracy to Afghanistan is going.

Going on the Arrested Development theme for today, blustery Tribune owner Sam Zell — whose company filed for bankruptcy this past winter — concedes he may have made a little huge mistake in his blatant Murdoch-mimicry.

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Because the cocaine-addled director was peripherally involved with helping the contestants on American Idol last night (what? why?), Fox presented some "Behind the Scenes" clips of Tarantino's upcoming film, Inglorious Basterds. And guess what? Even in his own edited footage, Quentin comes off like he'd be a monster to work with.

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I can't speak for any of the shenanigans that may have gone on at social e-mail publication Thrillist's other pool parties, but judging from the several events they've thrown this year, the team had set the bar pretty high for themselves. A pool party, on the nastiest, rainiest Tuesday this month? Sure, why not! Especially if that pool is indoors at the Grace Hotel, heated, and comes with a fully stocked Cuervo/Red Stripe bar (not to mention the jugs overflowing with Carlo Rossi). Plus, with all the cocktail waitresses dressed like fembots from Austin Powers, it didn't take more than a couple shots before the clothes came off and the water fights began.

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Ever since the Bernie Madoff scandal, the similarities to the Ponzi schemer's family and that of the dysfunctional Bluth's on Arrested Development have grown exponentially. Maybe Bernie Madoff is just a viral marketing scheme for the A.D. movie that may or may not be in production? Lets look at the evidence:

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Elisabeth Hasselbeck had quite a scare today when she almost sustained minor injuries scraped was killed by a bike messenger. Luckily, her and her baby *pats stomach, garners audience sympathy* are fine, but she was so shook up after the experience that she had to immediately text her husband and then write a Twitter update. "And apparently somebody got their pizza or burger on time, because that guy was in a rush," Hasselbeck sniffed, somehow managing to keep her foot out of her mouth by not mentioning burritos or lo mein. Still, we worry that Hasselbeck's new misguided crusade will involve less bike lanes in NYC:

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