Seriously dude? I feel like there was this vacillating moment after Party Monster when you were considering becoming a serious actor instead of a man-child famous for his ADD claymation show. Well, now we know which path you chose: you're actually beginning to resemble a cartoon.

PS: Tell Mila Kunis I say 'Wassup.'

How much balls does it (literally) to get up in front of a room full of judges at Comix and show them your junk? Props to all who auditioned for the "Res-Erection" tour of the Aussie show Puppetry of the Penis yesterday. We don't know exactly what the criteria was for these men to pass the gold standard, but from the looks of the contestants' faces, it wasn't that uncomfortable. Semi NSFW pictures on following pages.

CONTINUED »

This is a photo of three of the pirates who last week took Captain Richard Phillips hostage off the coast of Somalia. Later, each of these men was killed by Navy SEALs.

Via

While the fight rages back and forth over whether the detainees in Guantanamo Bay are still a threat to America (hell, if they weren't before, years of torture have probably changed their minds), a young took matters into his own hands when he used his one phone call from inside the Cuban base to call Arabic television station al Jazeera and tell them about the conditions at the prison. Ruh-roh.

CONTINUED »

Speaking of taxes (have you done yours? DO THEM, LOYAL CITIZEN!), Ron Paul loses again. This year's Gallup poll on taxes found that most Americans believe the rates they pay are either "about right" or "too low." This news is sure to enrage the conservative goons protesting America's spending today with a bunch of stupid tea parties nobody cares about. If you see one of these terrible "parties," laugh at it, because it is ridiculous.

CHANGE! HOPE! SOCIALISM!

Like the dog-gods of ancient Egypt, Bo, the new Obama pet, is here to reign over our feeble population for the rest of time, until an angry Jesus returns to see we're all traitorous Bo-ddhists.

Witness this strange Bo obsession for yourself in the video below, in which a news reporter not only anoints the dog "Bo Obama" (dogs get surnames now, apparently), but then cuts off a speaking human guest mid-sentence in order to listen in on people petting the dog and praising his "rock star" status. A claque of cameras snaps away in the distance. This is our American news, giving the crowd what they want.

Bow down to the first American deity who can lick his own ass.

And here we thought Howard Stern was already trying to be the black Howard Stern? Neveryoumind: On his Syrius radio show last week, Jamie Foxx — who apparently has nothing better to do with his singing/acting/comedy career than pick on underage tweens — called out Miley Cyrus for uh…not doing enough crack and heroin? And then Jay Leno made him apologize.

CONTINUED »

David Lynch and Moby both peaked somewhere in the early-to-mid 90's, so it's perfect that the two of them have decided to collabo* for Moby's latest single, "Shot in the Back of the Head." It's not as interesting as it sounds, unfortunately.

CONTINUED »

Officials report: A Long Island tanker headed for Kenya was attacked by Somali pirates yesterday, bombarded by bullets and grenades before finally speeding off. Of course, this is not three days after the last skirmish the U.S. has encountered with these increasingly non-adorable ironic throwbacks navigating the Indian Ocean.

The pirates have sworn revenge for the death of three of their crewmen who were killed by the Navy while they held U.S. ship captain Richard Phillips hostage. This whole pirates thing is getting a little Die Hard: Ocean Edition for my taste, but you know what would really spice this story up? If these Somalian "terrorists" weren't 16 years old and basically holding the entirely U.S. militia in their punk hands.

Julian's has allowed Michael Jackson to take his creepily pedophiliac items off the chopping block, either because he struck a settlement deal, or because the auction house realized they were never going to be able to feel clean again after touching this stuff.

(WireImage)

Is the Hulkster slowly coming unraveled following his divorce? Factoring in the Roid Rage, this does not bode well for the years ahead (from a new interview in Rolling Stone):

I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it

"The Story Behind VICE’s con artist cum administrative assistant" reads the tantalizing title in today's observer, written by famed blogger Doree Shafrir. "Hipster Grifter" is the lead. But when it comes to the 1,000+ word essay on Kari Ferrell, the young South Korean woman who worked at VICE and also is a compulsive liar (although these two things are only related in the tertiary sense), you have to wonder: How desperate are these writers getting for a scoop?

CONTINUED »

We should have waited to make our Rod Blagojevich Balls Chart. If you can believe it (we can!), the embroiled ex-Illinois governor indicted on several counts of being a corrupt asshole has gone and trumped all of his former acts of ballsiness with his most unbelievable, hilariously brazen maneuver yet: an attempt to have his court-ordered travel restrictions lifted so he can go star in a reality show in Costa Rica. Ha ha ha ha! Amazing! Especially because he's not kidding.

Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich is in talks to star in "I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here," a survival-style reality show set to air June 1 on NBC, sources said.

His attorney, Sheldon Sorosky, told a federal judge Tuesday that Blagojevich soon would be making a request to loosen the travel restrictions placed on him. Such a move would allow the disgraced ex-governor to travel to Costa Rica for the program's filming this summer

This settles it: The Blago case has officially reached performance art status. Somebody get this man a solo Whitney.

Hugh Jackman has pleged on his adamantium bones that if you can convince him in 140 characters or less why he should give $100k to your favorite charity, he'll do it. Which is one way to announce you need a tax break, I guess.

After 28 years of marriage, weirdo actor Mel Gibson and his wife, Robyn, are getting a divorce. And as is par for the course when it comes to celebrity breakups, the speculation about "why" has begun well before the unhappy couple sets foot into a courtroom.

According to most celebrity theorists, Mel's constant philandering is to blame for the split. If that's true, four women emerge as the likeliest to be the mistress that broke the camel's back.

Oksana Pochepa says she's in love with Gibson after a months-long courtship. The 24-year-old Russian pop star, who spoke to the Sun newspaper the day after Robyn Gibson filed for divorce, says her and Mel's relationship "is serious" and that she hopes their union "will be real and strong and long-lasting." Pochepa also claims Mel has flown her around the world to be with him on movie sets.

Oksana Kolesnikova, a Russian pianist living in Beverly Hills, is another presumed mistress, though she says she's being confused for Oksana Pochepa: "I have no idea how this mistake has been made. I feel very upset. The only explanation is that the names Oksana have been confused. It is a very popular name in Russia."

This faceless brunette was seen frolicking with Mel near his Costa Rican vacation home last month. Mrs. Gibson was thousands of miles away, in Malibu. To this day, the brunette's identity remains a mystery.

Little is known about this woman, except that she traveled to Boston to visit Mel on the set of his film Edge of Darkness last year. Is she wearing a wig to disguise herself? It certainly looks like it.

Via