Remember when all the banks promised they'd give that TARP money back ASAP, because they didn't want the federal government breathing down their neck? Surprisingly, Goldman Sachs might actually make good on this sometimes this millennium.

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Here is Phil Spector's booking photo, taken yesterday after he was convicted of the second-degree murder of Lana Clarkson. We'll call that expression "nonplussed."

Via

Even celebrities are feeling the pinch of the recession, and the U.S. market crash extends as far as Neverland. That's right: Michael Jackson is auctioning off some of his creepier belongings at a public showing at Julian's. At least, we hope this is the worst of it, because honestly all of this stuff looks like a parody of what you'd expect to be at Michael Jackson's pedophilia den. ::Shudder::

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Columbia professor David Buckner was so ashamed/nervous/drunk while appearing on Glenn Beck's Fox show yesterday afternoon that he completely passed the fuck out. Which is great for Beck's ratings, the same way that keeping ambulances outside of William Castle movies were great for ticket sales to The Tingler. Let's not pretend these two carnival barkers aren't exactly alike, and my analogy isn't the best ever.

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In an effort to piss off ASME more than Entertainment Weekly or ESPN magazine, or hell, even more than L.A. Times did with their Southland ad masquerading as an A-1, Us Weekly is creating a whole mock cover devoted to HBO's Grey Gardens. Which actually, would make more sense if Entertainment Weekly was doing it, but Jann Wenner's trashy tabloid? Those HBO advertisers better know what they were doing; it must have cost a pretty penny (or in this economy, maybe not?) to buy all of Wenner's crappy ad pages and pretend they take place in the 60s.

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A Los Angeles jury took 30 hours to come to the conclusion that creepy, kooky, mysterious and spooky music producer Phil Spector is guilty of the shooting death of actress Lana Clarkson.

Spector faced trial for the same charge in 2007, but that resulted in a hung jury.

He now faces 15 years to life in prison.

It was cold and windy out there. She was just showing off.

Pictures: Splash

Hey, if Jason Segel can man-up and sing like a goofy freak in front of the world, what's to say his bromantic co-star of I Love You Man can't as well? Paul Rudd's certainly debased himself for less, and this Sesame Street "green" special is as good a cause as any.

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If anyone managed to catch the "eh it could have been worse" episode of SNL this weekend, you would notice a trend in Lorne Michaels' guests this season. Lets see: We started with Michael Phelps, the Jonas Brothers came on, and now floppy-haired High School Musical star Zac Efron hosts? Lorne's really hoping that the 12-15 demographic take their Ritalin later than they're supposed to on weekends.

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2009 is going to go down in history as the year of miraculous plane landings, for sure. First there was Sully, and now there is this guy, some anonymous hero who landed a plane at Fort Myers yesterday after the pilot died off the coast of Florida.

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Reformed(?) drunk and Jew-hater Mel Gibson received more than Easter eggs on Good Friday; his rarely-seen wife Robyn also filed for divorce from the Passion of the Christ director the day before. And since the couple was married without a pre-nup, Robyn is asking for half of the Aussie's fortune under California law. Jeez, if it was the money she was after, she couldn't have filed for separation earlier? Or did she want to wait for the religious holiday just to rub Gibson's nose in it a little bit more?

(Via: Bauer-Griffin)

Most marketing departments would kill for the funding given to anti-smoking campaigns. Besides those Truth ads we're all familiar with (and we all know by now were sponsored by Phillip Morris), the projects headed up in an effort to get people to quit have been some of the most creative this decade. Do they work? Welp, now that the CDC has cut off research into effectiveness of these promotions we probably won't know. But they are certainly some of the most creative/viral advertisements of the decade. One wishes Don Draper was still around to ponder the dilemma of creating these ads while supporting a pack-a-day habit yourself.

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Don't ask how we got a hold of Vanity Fair columnist and Mos Def-disser Christopher Hitchen's outgoing voicemail message. Just thank us and move along.

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Because that poor guy Vince "I beat that hooker up in self-defense your honor!" Offer (née Shlomi) hasn't gone through enough humiliation for one month, now he's being parodied by the least funny people in the world…the Church.

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Truth time: The only reason I joined Twitter was so I could keep up with Jimmy Fallon's constant barrage of bullshit. It's seriously mind-blowing how much time that man spends chronicling his life online. And no, he definitely doesn't have an intern do his Tweets for him, since all of the Fallon updates have his signature of douchiness slopped all over them. Exhibit A? Fallon's @namedropping this weekend.

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