Man, when David Gregory was picked over ginger-haired NBC political director Chuck Todd to host Meet the Press, no one was more disappointed than yours truly. This guy gets picked last for every Zucker/Griffin pick-up team and have been snubbed for every post-Obama position, despite being more qualified and less of a knucklehead than half the "objective" reporters on MSNBC/NBC, in part because of a perceived judgment from a man who wrote How Barack Obama Won: A State-by-State Guide to the Historic 2008 Presidential Election. Though Gwen Ifill was still allowed to moderate a presidential debate? Boooo!

But no longer: Todd is rising to the top, baby!

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Barack Obama may have finally made good on his promise to Sasha and Malia that they'd be getting a presidential pup, but it wasn't only his vow to his daughters that our prez was fulfilling. The American people need their P.O.T.U.S. to keep some sort of animal around the house; it makes them seem accessible and "average Joe"-y, which of course is the reason why we elect someone president. Not because of their experience or decision-making skills, but because they have a dog that shits on the carpet, just like us. And this practice of letting animals into places even top security personal doesn't have access to isn't a new one, either.

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It's weird how The Washington Post just straight-up defames a bunch of people in its article about Barack Obama's successful mission against the Somali pirates this weekend. We wonder if its intentional.

Most of the piece is pretty flowery (why must the liberal media kowtow to Obama's competent and rational military decisions?????), but THEN it goes and compares Bill Clinton's failed mission into Haiti, a violent island nation, in '93 with Obama's recent battle, in which an entire Navy warship defeated eight pirates in a lifeboat. You're forgiven for missing the shit-talking there, because it's subtle. So allow us to count the dissees: 1. the nation of Haiti, who the Post apparently finds no more threatening than a few Somalis stranded in the Indian Ocean, 2. Bill Clinton, who fucked up what should have been an easy W for 'Merica, and 3. us, the readers, who are expected to be dumb enough to believe that some bullshit skirmish with a ragtag crew of Somali thieves is a real "military victory" for Obama.

Fix Iraq and then we'll talk.

If you don't know the awesomeness of Charlie Brooker yet, shame on you. He's a couch-critic who has made a two wildly successful programs mocking British television with his acidic tongue: Screenswipe and Newswipe. And naturally, after dissecting The X Factor for the umpteenth time loses its luster, Brooker went on to bigger fish, across the pond. That's right: Get ready for a high-school beat down, American news stations!

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Is there a reasonable explanation for why Woody tried to maim a TMZ pap that he mistook for one of the undead? Of course!

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How is this for craziness? The City, which no one has watched since its entirely yawn-worthy pilot, may actually contain traces of real drama! Or at least so says Page Six, who are experts on this sort of thing. The point being: Whitney Port was swindled out of a promotion that instead went to her co-star, socialite Olivia Palermo (who may be a bitch, but at least is polite in her smoking habits). So next season of The City may see Whitney back at People's Revolution instead of Diane von Furstenberg; the biggest upset since LC quit Teen Vogue.

Jesus Madge, give it a rest already. We know how badly you want to adopt the little Malawian girl you've already named Mercy (great PR name btw: almost every tabloid can find a way to work Mercy into their hed), but it's just not going to happen. Or rather, if it does happen I'm going to lose whatever last vestige of faith I had in Humanity (ironically, my first child's name) if it's proven once and for all that celebrity status and wealth can literally buy you a human life these days. Because you know what's fucked up?

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The May cover for glorified makeup commercial Vogue has leaked and—would you believe it?—there are models on the cover. Black models! White models! Models who aren't even really that pretty!

Stare at them! That's their job.

Scars on women are the new scars on men. What was once thought of as an unsightly blemish on the female's perfect form is now getting the rep of battle wounds: signs that you've lived an interesting life. Look at Tina Fey, and that scar I have still yet to notice but everyone talks about. Same with Top Chef announcer and former Salman Rushdie wife Padma Lakshmi, who recently went bare for the naked issue of Allure this month. Barely NSFW pic after the jump…see if you can find the scar that Padma talks about.

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It's out of Iraq and in to Iran we go! That is, at least if Israeli President Shimon Peres has anything to say about it. In an unusually forward speech yesterday, Peres said that if Barack Obama's overtures fail to calm Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who is notoriously anti-Israel, Israel "will strike [Iran]."

That, of course, would be a goddamn disaster, especially because Peres openly admits that Israel would need America's support in a war with Iran: "We certainly cannot go it alone, without the US, and we definitely can't go against the US. This would be unnecessary."

Ahmadinejad has yet to respond to Shimon, but something tells us he'll not have anything nice to say. A bit of a bad trip, that one.

Milan. Paris. New York…all the places Tyra Banks promises you'll go to if you have a shot at America's Next Top Model. But beyond the glitz and glamor of these high-society (and high $$$) fashion weeks, there exists a smaller subset of creative fashionistas, working on a lower budget and making clothes that you wouldn't actually be mortified to wear in public. At least, that was the case at Brooklyn's Fashion Week(end). ( Extra bonus: Featuring more than one model of color, and not just because Michelle Obama is the new hot shit.)

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Chubby instigator Glenn Beck is going on tour to see all this beautiful country has to offer. Is he doing the academic lecture circuit? Nope. Is he…oh, say, going to be doing some sort of Fox News railroad to talk to the "common people" who he has rallied around his self-aggrandizing and fear-mongering tirades? Nopers. Is he going on tour to make a little extra scratch as a comedian? Ding ding ding, motherfucker. Guess those millions he's making off his radio show/sky-rocketing television program isn't the kind of moolah you get from being a stand-up comic. Um…

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Lil' Kim responded to the rumors that she'd be running for Hoboken mayor, saying it was "flattering" but not going to happen. Yeah, usually the rap sheet comes after you've resigned in disgrace from public office, not before. Lil' Kim's got it all backwards. Meanwhile, Hoboken's mayor will continue to be some homeless drunk guy passed out on a bench with a paper crown on his head. At least, that's how we imagine Hoboken works.

Now that our Glorious Leader has expressed displeasure over the 20-year old trend of thugs wearing jeans so low you can see their boxers, local government ordinances are finally ready to take some action.

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The Obama's have a dog now. He is a Portuguese water dog named Bo, and he is six months old.

For some reason beyond us, the Post is running a three-page article on Bo, the dog. Read it if you're one of those saddies who treats animals like people.