Don't you just hate it when you're hanging with your fashionista/debutante pals, sipping on Evian water (Translation: Belvedere vodka) and wondering who in the hell invited Jeremy Piven when suddenly, there's this old geezer professing his undying love to you?

Well, oddly enough, that's exactly what happened to Paris Hilton at a recent Malibu bash.

Except substitute the word "old geezer" with "seriously, the guy had a walker" and the phrase "professing his undying love" with "trying to seal the deal."

Writes the NYO:

Things did heat up a bit, however, when an elderly neighbor named Michael Silverman, in his 80’s, arrived, armed with a walker and an opening line. “He introduced himself to Paris and said he had a dream about her,” the witness said. “He said he dreamt he was hooking up with her and the cops came in and busted him, and he said he told the cops ‘I’m just following the Bible! It says to love thy neighbor.’”

Wow, sounds like someone needs to lay off the Metamucil!

Shockingly, despite (obviously!) sharing a deep, spiritual connection with her octogenerian suitor, Paris reportedly left alone sometime around midnight. Meanwhile, the devastated would-be paramour is said to have headed home soon thereafter, consoled himself with a Matlock marathon, and fell asleep dreaming up all the pick-up lines he should have said, (like "Nice size eleven shoes. Wanna screw?" and "You bring the Valtrex, I'll bring the Viagra.")