Just how is Paris Hilton coping with her detainment? Um, who cares.

Where our hearts lie is with the tabloid press, who, at the same time, have both a news hole (Paris isn't out partying!) and a news field day (Paris is in prison!). With the heiress checking herself into jail not even 48 hours ago, it's time to check in with our tabloid TV pals to see what they're working on.

Inside Edition: "Paris Hilton may be facing a serious threat at the Lynwood Correction Facility where she is currently serving her 45-day sentence for violating her probation. The women’s prison is rife with staph infection, with over 402 inmates diagnosed with the serious infection last year alone."

Oh good, we knew there'd be scraps!

Entertainment Tonight*: "ET obtained Hilton's official booking sheet, which lists her at five feet eight inches and a slender 115 pounds. So far, she is not sharing her 12-foot by 8-foot cell, which is furnished with a metal toilet with no seat and a thin mattress on a hard bed. She will take meals in her cell and spend at least one hour a day for showering, watching TV in a community room or exercising. Her first meal behind bars on Monday was cereal, juice and bread."

The Insider*: "Paris' official booking sheet obtained by "The Insider" lists the blonde-haired, green-eyed celebutante at 5 feet 8 inches and a slender 115 pounds. So far, she is not sharing her 12 feet by 8 feet cell — equipped with a metal toilet and a thin mattress on a hard bed — with another inmate. She will take her meals in her cell and spend at least an hour a day showering, watching TV in a community room and/or exercising. The usually pampered Paris had to give up her clothes and jewelry for a standard-issue jumpsuit — and she was given the same toiletry kit that all the inmates receive. Her first meal was cereal, juice and bread."

Access Hollywood: "Hilton's booking photo showed the heiress wearing what appeared to be a V-neck shirt, eye makeup and lip gloss that highlighted a slight smile. Her long blond hair was draped over one shoulder. She also was given her first meal: cereal, bread and juice."

Extra: Nothing worth printing.

* Such similar reports, it almost makes you think Entertainment Tonight and The Insider are owned by the same company. Oh, wait.