Please, for some reason, tell us you've read this interview with Paula Abdul in the latest issue of TV Guide. And please, don't be embarrassed to admit you were reading "The Guide, "there are plenty of acceptable rationalizations for such behavior. (Examples: "Oh, I was flipping through it at the doctor's office!" or "Right, I was just glancing at a copy that some previous straphanger must've discarded on the L-train." Etc.)

Anyhow, in this article, Paula talks about her relationship with Simon, making sure to mention that in spite of all appearances, the two are actually very close friends. She's also careful to make note of their brother-sister rapport, because it makes their awkward on-air bickering seem impish and cute rather than immature and staged!

"In the middle of me trying to figure out how I'm going to say something that gives someone dignity walking off that stage, I've got the antagonistic brother goofing on me, trying to throw me off," she says in the interview.

But don't get the wrong idea about those two! Paula's also quick to mention that she wants Simon "like a cold sore" and has admittedly "cross[ed] the other side of the street" to avoid his British mug.

Wow, we get it! No love in the air for those two crazy kids. Sound like things are getting pretty fraternal over there! The next thing you know, Simon will be giving Paula a "noogie" on the judging panel while she and Sanjaya braid each other's hair!