“Is your child slightly chubby and sexually ambiguous?” asks Mollygood. “Then Elle Girl has a wonderful idea for a Halloween costume!”

How? It’s easy!

Simply buy the kid a garish blue wig, a Tealuxe coffee cup and a pair of too-tight pants, a giant felt-tipped marker for making astute social commentary, give him a brief tutorial in copyright law and how not to abide by it, and then mock said child relentlessly until he/she overcompensates (for the years of fat jokes and social pariahdom) by slinging unfiltered verbal abuse at celebrities, in effect rejecting them before they can—and inevitably will—reject him first.

Oh, and parents—don’t forget the trick-or-treat bucket that’s shaped like a laptop! (Portable soul extraction kit sold separately). [ElleGirl]