Aren't you guys just dying to know how Peter Braunstein is passing his time in Bellevue?

According to a most reliable source — another psych ward inmate — Braunstein wiles away the hours "bullying fellow inmates, ogling female staff and fondling himself in public." And chowing down.

William Allman, 64, spent three weeks with the accused fake-fireman attacker in Bellevue last month. He said Braunstein "hounds" others into giving up their food so he can stuff himself with extra bagels and muffins, turkey and Jell-o.

He also, allegedly, harassed a 75-year-old Chinese man, played checkers, and fondled himself under a newspaper.

On one occasion, he said, Braunstein fondled himself under a newspaper in a common room while gazing at a shapely corrections officer. "He was sitting with a newspaper on his lap and pretended like he was reading. But he was rubbing himself and staring at the officer.

So gross and sort of sad, right? But, really what else do you expect psych patients to do with the New York Times?

LIFE INSIDE WITH BULLYING & PERVING PETER [Brad Hamilton, New York Post]