Are you intimidated by Pitchfork? Afraid of its writers judging your taste with words to describe music you’ve never heard of? Relax, loser. Intern Anastasia is here to demystify their reviews.

This week: Dodos’ “Visiter”

Pitchfork says, in part:

Rating: 8.5

On Visiter, Dodos guitarist Meric Long alternates between fingerpicking and breakneck strumming while playing in confounding alternate tunings. Logan Kroeber’s clattering, locomotive percussion (which includes shoes outfitted with tambourines) is every bit a lead instrument as Long’s guitar, and a big reason the band’s music has garnered comparisons to the less abstract moments of Animal Collective and the output of other new-primitivist bands like High Places and Yeasayer.

Full review word count: 470

Anastasia says:

Oh, Pitchfork and its Animal Collective comparisons. I’m beginning to think if I stood in front of my bathroom mirror in the dark, and chanted “Animal Collective” three times, a Pitchfork reviewer would magically appear.

This time, Dodos are the band being compared to Animal Collective. They’re described as “new-primitivist,” “clattering,” and “rollicking.” Translation: they have a basic acoustic guitar/drums set-up, and they play really fast. Expect to have fun while you’re listening to it, but not to remember any of the choruses afterward. Any band that’s too straightforwardly catchy never makes it onto “Best New Music.”

Now, ponder this zen koan-like quote from the review: “Long and Kroeber here don’t seem wedded to power duo minimalism– and it’s intriguing to wonder how they could incorporate their backgrounds in metal, African Ewe drumming, and gamelan beyond a sense of rhythmic intensity.”

“How will they incorporate their background in African Ewe drumming?” is the new “What is the sound of one hand clapping?”

Word count: 162

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