Raffaello Follieri, the con-man who duped Ron Burkle and other investors with claims of ties to the Vatican (but will always be referred to as Anne Hathaway's ex) does not find prison to be the Trump Towers he is normally accustomed to.

A letter from his lawyer reveals that Follieri has blood in his urine and finds poop on the wall of the shower! And the place "smells really bad." Ew, so disgusting! So vile! So utterly Les Miserables!

Says the lawyer:

Follieri is short of breath, has blood in his urine and is debilitated from a series of stomach problems.

He's also been running a fever for the past two weeks since being transferred to the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn on Oct. 27.

"Although I am not a doctor, I have seen him regularly and he feels warm to the touch and his eyes are glassy," Edwards wrote.

Normally we'd say to suck it up, Follieri. Hey, I have a fever today, and my bathroom also smells like poop! But in his case, we'd make an exception. How long do you think a pretty Italian boy like Follieri can last in the U.S. system, with nothing but his pretty face and cute tush to prevent him for a major shivving?