• Britney Spears' bodyguard is almost as ginormous as we thought he'd be, but what he lacks in girth he makes up for in sheer bitterness.

• ABC bids a tearful farewell to Amanda Congdon, opting not to renew her contract despite Congdon's earning a "double-d" for determination and bringing whole new meaning to the term "boob tube."

• Matt Drudge is possibly a closeted homosexual, definitely someone whose pick-up lines need some work.

• Barack Obama is great at telling us what's on his iPod, not so great at telling us about his thoughts on education, healthcare or social security.