We want to have really current about the news of the day and be able to talk about what happened on TV last night. We want people to do ridiculous interviews. I want the guy who stayed next door to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes at some hotel in Italy or the concierge who’s willing to get fired after he gives us an interview.

…I’m actually looking forward to a new wave of jackasses. With Lindsay, Paris and Britney, I’m running out of material. I’m ready for a Hayden Panettiere or Hannah Montana [Miley Cyrus] to step up to the plate. I’m bored and I’d like to move on!

–Chelsea Handler, comedienne, gossip mongerer and host of upcoming late night talk show, Chelsea Lately [via Us]