‘The Brown Bunny’ is an ultra-low-budget film. With that in mind, the expense to create a prosthetic that could pass on film would be well out of the film’s budget, and so far no one has come close to making such a thing pass as real . . . For example, Mark Wahlberg’s rubber [organ in 'Boogie Nights'] was far from realistic and was only seen for a few seconds. If one wasn’t blinded by jealousy, it would be easy to tell [my] scene was real. Chloe Sevigny herself has publicly said the scene involved us performing real sex.

Why then does Scheck promote doubt about the scene’s authentic nature? I speculate it’s because Mr. Scheck most likely has a very small, ugly penis and needs to believe that only in make-believe does anyone have one like mine!

Tell that hack to convince his mother, sister or wife to let me give it to her . . . and then she can report back to little Frank if she thought [it was fake].

–A not-at-all crazy email missive sent to Page Six by exhibitionist-slash-director Vincent Gallo