Dear Opie,

Sorry to hear that you've failed again and that the world found out what I already knew…I told you a long time ago, DON'T TRY TO BE HOWARD. DON'T TRY TO BE DICE. BE THE BEST OPIE YOU CAN BE from Wyoming or wherever you're from originally. Put on the overalls, grab a pitchfork, and chew tobacco…

I really wish there was some kind of rehab for people who have lost their edge. Where people like you and Chevy Chase could sit together, reminisce about what it was like to be funny…

–ANDREW DICE CLAY, in an open letter to Greg "Opie" Hughes.