Tubby film critic and possible snow bunny Roger Ebert wants you to know that reviewing movies for X many years also makes you a perfect candidate to debunk evolution.

Favorite quote, after the jump:

Q. Was there a Noah, and did he have an Ark?

A. Certainly. There are many unverified reports of a massive wooden vessel on Mount Ararat. The Arc contained eight people, from whom we are all descended. It also contained two of each kind of animal. Since living species were obviously not created through an evolutionary process, every surviving land-based mammal species (about 5,400) had both ancestors on the Arc.

Q: What about dinosaurs?

A. They walked the earth at the same time as man, but were wiped out by the Flood, whose turbulence buried their bones in non-sequential sediments.

"You see, in the beginning the world was much like The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas, which I once called 'an ideal first movie for infants, who can enjoy the bright colors on the screen and wave their tiny hands to the music.'"

Update: Ebert's editorial was either political satire or a hacker. Thank god.