Today's New York Times blows the lid off of Rolling Stones' purported use of environmentally safe paper, explaining that there are different gradations of green, and thus Jann Wenner's music mainstay is, at best, a faint shade of chartreuse.

"The magazine will be printed on what it calls 'carbon neutral paper,' because it is made through a process that the magazine claims adds no carbon dioxide to the atmosphere," explains the Times.

But it (unfortunately) doesn't stop there.

"What neither an editor's note in Rolling Stone nor a press release sent by the magazine mentions, however," continues the Times, "is that the new paper has no recycled content."

The Grey Lady then paused dramatically, for optimum comedic effect, and added, "you know, except for the articles."