Uh oh! Everyone's poor and the holidays are coming up! How to get through the next few months, during which we all SIMPLY MUST celebrate the birth of God by spending money on each other, without inching even closer to the poorhouse? HERE COMES WAL-MART, BITCHES!

"In my mind, there is no doubt that this is Wal-Mart time," H. Lee Scott Jr., the president and chief executive of Wal-Mart, said recently at a meeting of analysts and investors in Wal-Mart's hometown of Bentonville, Arkansas. Referring to the retail chain's founder, he added, "This is the kind of environment that Sam Walton built this company for."
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Wal-Mart is expected on Thursday to report sales for October. Gains are likely to be modest by the company's past standards — but in an economy that is fading fast, with many other retailers reporting double-digit sales declines, any gain is an achievement.

Hear that, hippies? It's Wal-Mart time. You can whine all you want about the evils of big box supremacy, but when people have to decide between upholding some intangible moral code or seeing their kid smile on Christmas morning, Wal-Mart wins. It's called Joe the Plumber's Hierarchy of Wantin' Shit.

Now, instead of crying into our soy milk, let's everyone on the left use our tremendous Obama-win energy to get Trader Joe's to start selling cheap Power Rangers stuff. You guys get started on that, I'll help you right after the Vampire Weekend show.