Although we can’t always shake the nasty habit of writing in the royal we, occasionally one of our editors decides to shake off the cloak of anonymity to write a short, pithy statement long, rambling diatribe about a topic of their choice. Today, Debbie Newman is that editor.

Scarlett Johansson, the actress best known for her throaty voice, enormous breasts and inability to save The Nanny Diaries has preemptively threatened Us Weekly with a lawsuit over this week's cover story suggesting that the buxom starlet went under the knife.

A boring, legalese statement issued by Johansson claims the article's "clear implication that she has had plastic or cosmetic surgery on her nose is an outrageous and defamatory fabrication lacking any conceivable basis or proof."

Well, obvs! We are, after all, talking about celebrity weeklies, here. Meanwhile, unwilling to leave well enough alone, OK! goes from exalting in Us' impending legal woes to slamming its more successful rival with demoralizing accusations of shoddy journalism.

Snipes OK!:

The publication made a pathetic attempt to validate its story by using two cover photos of Scarlett that were taken years apart with obviously different make-up and lighting, and then relying on an "expert's opinion" (based solely on looking at the two photos) on what "might" have been done. It wasn't."

Frankly, we're appalled. The next thing you know, they'll be telling us that the glossies are publishing unsubstantiated rumors based on anonymous sources (or easily doctored Blackberry texts) and substituting airtight fact for rampant speculation! Or, worse, taking invasive photographs of couples seeking privacy then hiring body-language experts to interpret their visible discomfort as "Signs He's Not Ready To Commit!"

With luck, however, Johansson's reputation (or what little remains of it in light of the alleged "Banging Benicio Del Toro In An Elevator" incident) will be salvaged and soon, everyone in the free world will know that she's still sporting her original beak.

Meanwhile, we're just relieved to see that OK! has swooped in to blow the whistle on all this irresponsible rumor-mongering and to remind us all that celebrity weeklies are not devoid of journalistic integrity!

In fact, it's potentially the most significantly self-righteous thing they've done since fabricating an interview with Lindsay Lohan, shedding their celeb-friendly image (by depicting Britney Spears as a mentally incompetent dress-stealer/open-door peer) and financing three separate – but equally exploitative – cover spreads featuring Larry Birkhead and his beloved daughter/cash cow, Dannielynn.

Sleep well, Scarlett. And thank you, OK! for selflessly backing a wrongfully accused artist in her one-woman crusade for truth, justice and the persecution of your top competitor. Could this be the beginning of a beautiful friendship? Perhaps! Or maybe just an excuse for Scarlett Johansson and OK! editor-in-chief Sarah Ivens' to align themselves against a common threat.