When most people think of pirates, they either think of those annoying LARPer kids from college who celebrated Talk Like a Pirate Day all year round, or Johnny Depp in eyeliner.

But guess what, there are modern day pirates who don't inhabit the ivory tower, unlike those elitist cyberhackers that get all the nautical PR these days. The Somali pirate cartel is actually quite large and dangerous, and they do pirate things seizing ships from the Ukraine. And like a Republican campaign trying its damndest to convince America its VP pick is a real go-getter, they also have a spokesperson:

Somali officials say the pirates are growing in numbers, with more than 1,000 gunmen at their disposal, and they have evolved into a sophisticated organized crime ring with their headquarters along the rocky shores of northern Somalia. There is even a pirate spokesman (who could not be reached on Friday).

If more ironic stereotypes previously used as plot devices in Wes Anderson films come back, we might all be fighting precocious geniuses in headbands and tracksuits soon. En garde!