This morning, in a sit-down with Diane Sawyer, former heavyweight Star Jones Reynolds explains that she lied about her gastric bypass surgery because she was "ashamed and scared," and that the reason she elected to undergo the extremely risky procedure was, "I didn’t want to die fat. Because that's not happy."

Instead, in an effort to secure herself a future of happiness, a determined Star set about marrying an ambiguously gay man, getting booted from The View, losing so much weight that she looks like a cancer survivor and pissing off her entire overweight fanbase (like Santa! And the entire state of Texas!) by insinuating that there's something inherently depressing about being fat.