Every New Year, people get this crazy idea to make "resolutions." Our intern Wendy is no exception. Because we are way too busy watching soaps to improve on our lives, we forced Wendy to find a life coach, and find out if she could do this whole "goal" thing. We know, it's cruel, but necessary. Wendy wants to shine, and so we found her the perfect life coach: Star Jones "Reynolds."
Seriously, she can stand being married to a gay guy and talking to Joy Behar every day, and still manage to wear a bathing suit on the beach. Before Wendy reads her book, and watches her spot on ABC tonight, we forced her to check out Star's AOL online coaching program. Her fabulous review of the life tips, quizzes, and party points (including the link to the site you can take it yourself) after the jump.
To say her coaching has changed my life is an understatement. I now have the tools I need to catch the gay vague, whipped, freeloading man of my dreams. How you ask?
The course is divided into eight parts, where Star coaches you on what makes a great relationship. Her advice includes making sure you have things in common (as in her case, dressing up in costumes and a love of shoes). Is he willing to stay in the same room with you? (Or does he escape from your clutches, only to wind up in the police station, where you leave him there to rot?) Does he love his mama? (This must be vital … she mentioned it several times.)
There are also some nifty checklists and quizzes you can take, which Star even offers to send to your cell phone. The quizzes are better than Star magazines, and include questions that mean a great deal to Star. "What should you do if he doesn't have a credit card?" (Her real life choice, "get him one yourself so he can fake having money", wasn't one of the selections.) She also encouraged making a list myself, and asking: "Are we compatible? Do I need to change myself? Am I worthy?"
The nauseating results are there for all to see. Can you beleive it — Star and Al both share a common interest in social events (just as long as the name the location of the party and the contents of the gift bag are included.) Why would Star need to change herself? She got exactly what she wanted on her list: a decent looking guy who is willing to trade his self respect to live a lifestyle he's definitely become accustomed to. But is Star worthy? Well, you can figure that one out.
Wendy admits that she has been singing Madonna's "Shining Star" all morning, and that now, she feels really shiny and new. Just wait until that book review comes out — we can hardly stand the excitement.
