There's nothing worse than waking up one morning and suddenly finding out that you're dating a Shrewish American Princess, or as we like to call them, SAP's. These overly possessive, shrill-voiced creatures are precisely the sort of vaginally insecure types who bitch and moan every single time you talk to—or, God forbid, look at—another girl, never mind if it's only the pear-shaped barista at Starbucks and your entire conversation consisted of the words "Double grande no-fat latte."

And naturally, despite giving you death-glares every time you come within a 10-foot vicinity of another female and smothering you with their clinginess, they burst into tears whenever you inevitably break down and say you need a night out "with the guys." Go figure!

Anyhow, we were literally expounding about our feelings towards SAP's when we happened to come across this report about Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson, a.k.a. the most annoyingest couple in music/lip syncing history.

Writes Page Six:

WHO knew Ashlee Simpson was the jealous type? In Chicago last weekend with boyfriend Pete Wentz [at the Hard Rock Hotel] Simpson refused to let any girl come between herself and her man. When female fans tried to take their pictures with Wentz, Simpson "got whiny and dragged him away," a spy said.

Great work, Ash! Physically restraining your man from incidental contact with other women. You're like a SAP future Hall of Famer! Except there's just one thing. Your boyfriend wears "guy-liner." He's into emo. He rented Brokeback Mountain, like, 30 times. And, oh yeah, he's actally admitted that he likes making out with other dudes.

So instead of obsessively shielding him from throngs of fugly tween girls (mid-awkward phase) you might want to consider (a) chilling out, or (b) paying a little bit more attention every time he disappears for quick "photo" with a comely male stranger.