• The lead singer of Maroon Five denies ever saying that tennis hottie Maria Sharapova was a "double-fault" in bed.

• As usual, the Times is quick to weigh in with an already-reported scoop on Wikipedia.

• Keira Knightley's anorexic yearnings revealed!

• Dog-killer Michael Vick accepts a plea bargain. Ironically, the deal calls for two years of being some inmate's bitch.

• Naomi Campbell is convinced British Vogue doesn't like black people. But we're pretty sure they're just prejudiced against phone-throwing amazonian shitshows.

• First Leona Helmsley couldn't escape taxes, and now she can't avoid death. The hotel queen is dead at 87.

Say or do something that's out of the ordinary. It's not about what perfume you're wearing or if your shoes are cute. If you do something with purpose that is different than what everybody else does, then it makes you stand out…

[Friends] can provide an unbiased opinion of a guy you like, and if an overwhelming majority of your friends don't like him, chances are he's a moron and you shouldn't date him.

–Maroon Five singer Adam Levine talks girls and admits to being a "mama's boy" in the August issue of Seventeen magaine [via People]

Pete Doherty won't let anything stand in the way of his love for Kate Moss. Not all the drugs, court dates, or hundreds of other guys Moss is dating.

After leaving yet another court appearance on yet another account of drug charges, Pete managed to put down the crack pipe long enough to leave his love a window pane message.

The 26-year-old Babyshambles front man ran to his gold Jaguar from Thames Magistrates' Court in east London. Surrounded by photographers, he used a felt-tip pen to scrawl "I love Kate 4 eva" on the windshield.

Based on this "secret musician message" language, we must infer that Adam Levine's text messaged break-up to Jessica Simpson went something like this: U R a slt 4 f*%#g Jude. I h8 U biatch. A.

Pete Doherty Reaffirms Love for Kate Moss [AP News]
Jessica Simpson Dumped by Adam Levine by Text Message [National Ledger]

Yesterday, the glorious glossy Star totally bitch slapped Life & Style for their not-so-true TomKat "Split!" cover. And now, again today, the glossy tromps Us Weekly's tale that Jessica Simpson was with Adam Levine on July 7th.

Last week, Us Weekly reported,

On February 7, Jessica joined Adam in his room for a small get-together. But when the rest of the guests left, she stayed. Later, according to a hotel source, "security paid the couple a visit after a guest complained of loud, amorous noises coming from the room."

But today, Star shouts out a Whitney Houston style, "heeell no!"

Despite a published report that Jessica Simpson and Adam Levine were alone in a room at L.A.'s Chateau Marmont the night of Tues. Feb. 7, Star has the actual details — and pictures! — of Jessica's whereabouts on Feb. 7. Bottom line? She was in NYC that evening, as photos prove!

Photos prove, people. Not to mention, Star is on the Jessica Simpson whorefest trail, and hooks her to Jude Law, not Adam Levine, which would basically prove everyone wrong — again.

After the jump, we've got the full round-up of Us Weekly's "filling in the blanks," (i.e. being wrong) thanks to The Daily Blabber.

CONTINUED »

• Shannen Doherty pulls a Lindsay Lohan in the car department. [TMZ]

• Who needs a Valentine when you have crotch shots of Superman? [A Socialite's Life]

• Heath Ledger won't pose for photos with Jake Gyllenhaall? Um, we hope this doesn't mean he won't be coming to Brooklyn, because that would so throw off our stalking plans. [OAN]

• Are Adam Levine and Jessica Simpson really official? We didn't think a few shags made an official boyfriend. [Tittle Tattle]

• Britney Spears does a quick cameo at the ER today. Yes, we think she was wearing shoes. [TMZ]

• Thanks to online music stores you can now fill your impulsive need to hear "We Will Rock You" without having to buy a whole album full of "hits" you've never heard. Middle school pom-pon girls everywhere are ecstatic. [NYT]

• As if Alice in Wonderland weren't trippy enough, we now have Marilyn Manson playing Lewis Carroll. Now all they need is Jack Nicholson to play to the Chesire Cat a'la The Shining and we'll be scarred for life. [Reuters]

• Destiny Child's NBA All-Star game performance is once and for all, seriously this time, their last show ever. Ever. Until somebody comes up with more money next year. [MyWayNews]

• Adam Levine asks Mary J. Blige "How'd you get so damn fine?" This inspired his next cut, dedicated to Jessica Simpson, "How'd you get so damn easy?" [MTV]

• So, maybe we weren't savvy or sober enough to notice, but digital music has lower quality than that on CDs. But, but … but we thought digital always means better than everything in the world? [The Guardian]

• What super-duper, Clay Aiken level of gayness do you have to be on to watch Liza on Bravo during the Superbowl? [NBC]

• Of course Sienna Miller was using Jude Law to help her career. The naked photos, are out there people. [Page Six]

• Us Weekly asks readers: where did Jessica Simpson sleep last night? Extra's answer: with Jude Law, Josh Lucas, everyone, basically. However, our gut instincts tell us she's banging Adam Levine. [Us Weekly, Extra]

• Angelina Jolie says good-bye to her single life, which means selling her mansion in Buckinghamshire and moving to California. [The Mirror]

• Colin Farrell's back on the radar, and this time he's searching for an intelligent male assistant. For $750 a week, you can clean up his used condoms, go on 15 cigarette/booze runs a day, and sweetly sing "Colin Farrell is My Bitch" into his ear while he's doing sit-ups. [Defamer]

Egotastic is claiming that pictures of Jessica Simpson taken on January 25th are proof that Page Six's report of her night with Adam Levine are, in fact, quite true.

The site notes that on this morning, Jess is wearing the same jeans, shoes, and bag she wore to the Chateau Marmont on the 24th. And since the Page Six report of Jessica running upstairs with the Maroon Five frontman ran on the 27th, it seems pretty logical.

But what's with the morning after face? Is that pout an indication that Adam Levine isn't as good as Nick Lachey? Hey, we'd buy that.

Jessica Simpon and Adam Levine. The Morning After the Night Before [Egotastic]
JESSICA HEATS MARMONT SHEETS

• Oh you funny little hipster people. You can keep up this "satire" charade as long as you like, but we know you really want to jam to I fucked Alec Baldwin in his ass — and the truth about Colin Farrell. [Stereogum]

• Now that Jessica Simpson is over that boy band cross dresser she can move on to a real musician. Adam Levine just love those sloppy seconds man. [Page Six]

• Madonna continues to bitch her way around the world by showing up late to Jean Paul Gaulteir's show in Paris and acting surly when asked about recent personal scandal. Apparently Guy Ritchey is sick his dick being kept in a jar. [Page Six]

• Dr. Dre picks up Marsha Ambrosius of Floetry. She like oh my god can't believe this most amazing opportunity evah. [MTV]

• One reporter claims that video game soundtracks greatly influence record sales, citing Fall Out Boy as an example. We're sure it has nothing to do with the hypnotic repetition on MTV. [ArsTechnica]

Oh, how un-shocked are we that Maroon 5 front man Adam Levine is trying to hit up Nick Lachey's sloppy seconds — again. Well, we know he has a thing for blonds, so maybe Lindsay Lohan will give him a piece the next time she dyes her hair back.

Still, with any Page Six man-whore mention, we can't help but automatically think: Steve-O. So, what's going on? Could this be an all-out battle for the biggest dude slut in young Hollywood?

Hey, now that Colin Farrell is a) old and b) known to make sex tapes, even Paris Hilton won't go near him. So that leaves Adam and Steve-O, the drug dealing Jack-Ass, whose latest fling is Nicole Richie, to battle it out for the single gals sipping martinis at the Marmont.

We will definitely be following up with a full gossip round-up later today, in what is to be our first installment in Steve-O vs. A-Lev slut-a-thon. Send us your insider tips, if you got 'em. We just know in our hearts this is sure to be an American Idol worthy competition.

RARE STRIKEOUT [Page Six]
Related: From High Class to Jackass