Hey everybody! Look at Tom Cruise! The whiny baby can't handle his own fights. He needs fellow stars like Adam Sandler to take to the press to defend his good name.
"To see anyone's private life invaded and mocked like this is sickening," says Sandler in a statement, which nobody really asked him to issue. "It's especially gross when it happens to a guy like Cruise, who's a great dad, a great husband, and a great friend." Adverse reaction of releasing this statement? Fueling rumors that you're the next Will Smith, getting sucked into the confines of Scientology only to be heard again from Oprah's couch.
As the June release date of Sandler's You Don't Mess with the Zohan draws near, expect the battle cries to grow louder.
• Jessica Alba dumps Cash Warren in the most subtle, sensitive and respectful way she knows how: by calling him up, telling him "I'm not in love with you anymore" and having one of her assistants (there's more than one, apparently!) pack up all his shit and move it out of their house.
• I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry opens the (back) door to lots of hilarious gay jokes, plus inspires artists to ask themselves what really happens when comic books meet unattractive homoerotic porn.
• Meanwhile, here's Adam Sandler on the set of his "hairdresser/Israeli spy movie." From the sound of it, a must-see!
• Beyonce Knowles sat on a wall, Beyonce Knowles had a really great fall. And all the king's horses and all the king's men. Signed onto YouTube so they could watch it again.
• Paris Hilton gives Cisco Adler a lap-dance after apparently misunderstanding a girlfriend who nudged her and said "that guy's family jewels are, like, enormous!"
• Tom and Katie caught bumping and grinding on the dance floor at the Beckham's "Welcome to America" party. Apparently, Cruise really does likes that old-time rock n' roll! Either that, or he's just totally feigning interest in his Stepford wife in an effort to make us forget they're both members of a crazy religious cult.
• Gayle King's huge rock is just one of nine rings that Oprah gave out, which proves that Oprah is actually dating nine women right now. [R&M]
• It's hard to imagine Zack from Saved By the Bell as a dad. Whatevs, we're just thrilled it isn't Screech. [People]
• OMG! Caroline Kennedy leaving the Hamptons would be, like, the end of all social order everywhere. Stock in Pink Elephant just went down a notch. [Page Six]
• In other baby news, Adam Sander's wife had a kid. Let's hope he's better at being a Big Daddy this time around. Throwing newspaper under the kid and hoping for the best never works twice. [ET]
• Oh, big surprise here: Tom Cruise is wearing heels now. [Lowdown]
