Oh, am New York. We know how hard you work each and every day, slaving away to create the free tabloids that inevitably get tossed, unread, onto the subway tracks, causing track fires, floods, and excruciating train delays.
But in your haste to close today's issue, you may have overlooked a small – but not insignificant – error.
Quick heads-up to the photo department: Naomi Watts, actress, played a drug addict in 21 Grams, dates Liev Schrieber, sees actors with perfect hair and six-packs and feels herself being numbed.
Naomi Campbell, supermodel, played a drug addict from late 1990s-present, sleeps around, allegedly clocks unassuming assistants over the head with her cell phone until a numbing sensation kicks in.
Glad we could clear up any discrepancies.
That little subway flood back in '04 that brought trains to a halt and commuters to a rage? Blame those freebie newspapers, the MTA says. Flooding on the tracks isn't an explicit result of poor drainage, you see; it's the fault of am New York and Metro, whose stacks of leftover papers often wind up on the tracks, increasing the chances of fires as well as floods. While the official MTA report isn't being released to the public (security concerns and all), it cites the launch of the freebie papers three years ago as the cause of a sudden spike in problems. The publishers, meanwhile, have been quick to react, pointing out that they don't distribute their bite-size news on MTA property. But what about the likes of Rupert and Mort's rags?
[MTA board member Barry] Feinstein acknowledged that purchased newspapers were also found on the tracks, but not at the same volume as free papers. "People are paying for those newspapers and they take them with them to work. They're not leaving them on the subway, they're not tossing them on the tracks," he said.
Well, except for those sponsored copies of the Daily News wrapped in J&R advertisements. It makes perfect sense how they make their way from seat covers on the R train to drain covers on the tracks.
Free Newspapers Blamed for Subway Flooding [Annie Karni, New York Sun]
Per usual, we have found our daily dose of bloggers with more time on their hands than we have. The creative ways in which these people pass their days will never cease to amaze us or earn our utmost admiration.
Since counting the ad pages takes way too long, why not provide the next best measurement of success: weight. After all, many a fashion magazine are ritually weighed (although traditionally in the Fall), so why not take that trend to NYC's freebies.
We admit, we've weighed quite a few things in our time … but measuring the free dailies in ounces never even crossed our minds. But it crossed Animal's … and the results are amazingly intriguing.
Especially because at last check in, that was exactly the weights of Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan, respectively.
Weighing In: Am vs. Metro [Animal New York]
New York is taking public restrooms to the next level. Sorry if you're just sitting down with your latte and banana bread, but our city is "nearing the finish line" in the race to scatter pay per use toilets around the street.
(They try to make it sound all fancy by saying they are working "with a Spanish company," but you know that just means some guy who employs a bunch of illegal Latino labor.)
And, we're not just getting 20 cans, people. 3,300 new bus shelters and 330 new newsstands will providing shelter for NYC's homeless. Literally, it's like exterior decorating for the streets
Cemusa Inc. will pay the city more than $1 billion to install and maintain the street furniture in exchange for the right to sell advertising on the structures.
Don't worry, nobody's going to be living in the bathrooms. First of all, it costs 25-cents for a 15-minute "session" (definitely enough time to hotbox or read AM New York) and after 15 minutes, the door will just pop open. Well, it won't "just" pop open, it will warn you for three minutes that it's about to spring.
So, let's do some math. 9 million people, 15 minutes each, and only 20 pay toilets? Well, if one Paris Hilton can do it…
City unveils pay toilets of tomorrow [Michael Clancy, AM New York]
New York City's free papers are supposed to make the commute to work smoother by giving you something to read/laugh at while you're smashed in on the 6 train, right? Or so we thought.
As it turns out, AM New York and New York Metro are actually ruining your commute to work by increasing subway delays caused by fires.
The agency is looking into the problem, because the fires have caused an increased number of subway delays.
On average, transit officials say, 363 trains were delayed each month last year. Transit officials say trash left behind by riders can get ignited by sparks from passing trains.
We would like to say this was not the fault of commuters, and that there was probably some kind of Bahamas ad promoting island campfires. Unfortunately, it is more likely that readers forced to take these papers end up starting the piles on fire in fits of rage over ridiculous computer spam covers.
Free Papers May Be Reason For Increase Subway Fires [New York 1]
The only thing that would make sense about this cover is if these were the computers the staffers at AM New York are working on.
Spammers spin Web of deceit [Justin Rocket Silverman, amNY]
Because we never leave the apartment, except to perform very in-depth transit strike/cab ride reporting, we never really thought about how the subway closing would effect our fellow dejected media outlets. At one point, though, we did ride the 6 train to work every morning, with only our amNewYork to comfort us. And, after all those months of loyalty, when the possibility of spending a cab or scooter ride to work without them was presented, did amNY think of us? Not so much.
"We moved all our hawkers all over the place,†Mr. Weintraub said. "We fulfilled our mission to the advertisers. We expect to do so again tomorrow."
The advertisers? Granted this story should not offend us at all, because we don't go anywhere. But in theory, we would be extremely hurt by the paper's lack of concern for us, if we still read it.
WHAT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT TODAY [Nat Ives, Ad Age]
