As much as we like to tease them relentlessly, Page Six occasionally knocks one right out of the park. And that's exactly what happened with today's lead story on "McCartney's peg-legged ex," Heather Mills.
The highlight? The part where Mills' new French publicist Michele Elyzabeth tries to suggest that it's not, in fact, Heather who's crazy. It's the media! Something Mills and Elyzabeth plan to rectify by cutting off access to the uncooperative (read: negative) press outlets effective immediately. Unfortunately, that whole "What Would Stalin Do?" mantra has not made the former topless model completely impervious to full-scale tabloid attacks.
Owen Wilson's rep is already weirdly defensive about his client's new open-door peeing policy. "Can you blame him?" asks the flack. "He's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. If he tries to protect himself from innuendo and lies, it gets used against him."
Easy, guy! We're talking about toilet etiquette, not the First Amendment. Besides, we think Wilson's finally got everything all figured out. After all, nothing screams mental health quite like earning a reputation at parties as "the guy who urinates with the bathroom door open." [via Mollygood]
Remember last week when we told you about Rosie O'Donnell's less-than-gripping book of memoirs? Well the book doesn't come out for another month or so, but already the reviews are in, and so far they're looking grim.
Says one dissatisfied reader: "This is the work of a deeply disturbed woman, page after page of insane ramblings. Ultimately, it's sad and pathetic."
Which is to say it's exactly like her blog, only with sporadic punctuation.
From CNN: "Aides: Craig was going to leave Senate, anyway." Of course he was! In fact, resigning in disgrace was already on Craig's "To-Do" list, just underneath "Get arrested for embarrassing bathroom sex romp."
Two weeks ago, Anderson Cooper shot a Hurricane Katrina special in New Orleans. Last week, CNN called Cooper up while he's vacationing to inform him they'd lost the tapes and demand that he fly back immediately and reshoot. A justifiably pissed Cooper was overheard to complain, "Great, now I'll never get a tan." [P6]
Last week, we watched, transfixed, as Paula Abdul burst into tears after getting fired from a D-list movie production,* (presumably, for being a mentally unstable has-been) and then screamed "You guys, please! I'm trying to tell a GODDAMNED STORY!" during an otherwise boring episode of her reality television show, Hey Paula. At the time, a misty-eyed Paula wanted to know if God was even listening—you know, cause everything in her life was kind of going down the crapper?
Anyways, just when you thought Paula had hit rock bottom (seriously, with this one, how do you really know for sure?) comes a crazy full-frontal haiku assault instigated by none other than Rosie O'Donnell—the ex-View co-host and professional celebrity feuder—who attacks Paula the only way she knows how: through pseudo-intellectual free verse.
• Queen Elizabeth throws a shitshow temper tantrum and storms off set after photog Annie Leibovitz asks her to pose for some tawdry pics without her crown. Reportedly, Leibovitz's attempts to cajole QEII into cooperating included telling her "all the royals were doing it" and reassuring her that it would be "tasteful, for the sake of art."
• BBC apologizes for accidentally airing footage of the Queen storming off; explains away royal temper tantrum as "a documentary clip [that] had been edited incorrectly."
• "I don't want to be remembered as the guy who killed David Halberstam," worries the Guy Who Killed David Halberstam.
• You know what sucks about working at Bauer? Everything!
• The NYT has the non-exclusive on a magazine that already folded three days ago.
You gotta love PR reps and their obligatory post-incident denials.
Kimora Lee Simmons went lip-to-lip with a gorgeous blond woman at Cipriani Upstairs Thursday.
The mystery kisser, who'd been hanging with Simmons at her table all evening, got up on the bar for a dirty dance as the 6-foot stunner shimmied in front of her. Blondie then gave Simmons an eyebrow-raising smooch. A rep for the Baby Phat designer, who was no doubt excited about her show at the tents the next day, says it was "a friendly kiss hello to a party guest."
Yes, because in Publicist Land, a "friendly kiss hello" is defined as "a drunken makeout session with a chick you've been throwing lusty, lesbian glances at all evening."
