• Cameron Diaz isn't going to kill Jessica Biel at the MTV Movie Awards. She's just going to kick her (gigantic!) ass.
• Pamela Anderson finally opens up to her kiddies about being a dirty, dirty porn star. Next step: explaining what those giant fun-bags are really made of!
• Mischa Barton was hospitalized over the weekend. Experts say it was likely some combination of malnutrition, tequila, antibiotics and the "I'm So Excited!" episode of Saved By The Bell.
• America's Next Top Model winner Jaslene Gonzalez cops to not having "a good head" on her shoulders, thereby confirming what we already knew. Then, she attributes it all to having been in an abusive relationship and makes us feel like an ass.
• Jerry Seinfeld creates some serious buzz for his upcoming new children's flick.
• Beyonce has no interest in going anywhere near the Maxim Hot 100 party.
• Possibly out of fear of being blinded by Lindsay Lohan's dress.
• Seeing The O.C.'s Adam Brody with a ratty mustache reminds us that it's time for our residual crush on Seth Cohen to end.
• It's battle of the accents on the season finale of America's Next Top Model. But ultimately, the Russian loses her skirt and, ultimately, the competition to the slightly constipated-looking Skeletor Jaslene.
• Look, it's a giant (uncircumcised) penis pig!
• Is Politico too right-wing? Right-wing conservatives say "No!"
• Shockingly, Prince Harry (currently second-in-line to the British royal throne) will not be deployed to Iraq as per his request.
• Phil Spector hates women. Perhaps that's why he (allegedly!) killed one?
• Turns out Miss Jay (of America's Next Top Model/Jossip "fame") is even crazier than he/she looks!
• Times' Op-Ed columnist Nicholas Kristof denies plagiarizing from a lesser-known, lesser-educated author.
• Hey, remember back in 1926 when health experts encouraged women to douche with Lysol? Yeah, neither do we.
• "Diaries reveal [Anna Nicole] Smith's sex life, sadness." Because so far we haven't heard a thing!
The typically bland crop of ANTM contestants come alive when celebrity(!) guest judge Tia Mowry asks them to impersonate the judges. And while the girls generally play it boring/safe, we think Natasha's deadpan Russian delivery of the line "brown sisters" (almost) makes it all worthwhile.
But, for the record, our impression of Tyra would have involved a too-tight red swimsuit and a crazy shitshow rant.
And any halfway decent "Mr. J." would have necessitated an entire can of bright orange spray paint.
• The bad news: Pete Doherty admits he still smokes crack every day, and reveals he's engaged in prostitution to feed his habit. The good news: He only told Vogue Homme.
• Mediabistro was evidently so impressed with our inaugural "Press Release Parade" they were inspired to create a similar new feature only hours later!
• America's Next Top Model reminds us that they live and die for fashion.
• Nielsen president Robert Krakoff died unexpectedly last night, escaping any 'splaining about getting dumped by Fox.
• In spite of Angelina Jolie's best efforts to even the playing field, today's NYT reveals NYC is dominated by rich white toddlers.
• No question Beyonce's a lot hotter now than she used to be. But is it a case of awkward adolescence or Dr. 90210?
Word comes from our sister site, Mollygood, that the city of Santa Monica simply couldn't handle the bikini-clad women of America's Next Top Model.
“It’s a matter of public taste. We try to be sensitive to the community,” the city’s director of transit services, Stephanie Negriff, told Variety. The city received complaints not necessarily because of the photograph itself, but because, as Variety explains, “protests came from people concerned that the city was somehow endorsing a show that may objectify women.”
Negriff said the city took down the ads and refunded The CW’s money because “We wouldn’t want to do anything that would disrespect women.”
Thankfully for everyone, Tyra Banks at least had the decency to wear a one-piece.
(Text via RealityBlurred).
With all the recent celebrity divorces and splits these days, we almost feel as though we're the product of a broken home. Fortunately, however, we're happy to report that at least one marriage is still blissfully intact.
Thankfully, Seventeen Magazine will continue to shamelessly plug itself on the next season cycle of America's Next Top Model despite shifting the reins to a new EIC after the Toos' big departure:
Though new editor in chief Ann Shoket did not become America's next top teen magazine editor in time for shooting, a spokeswoman for Seventeen said Carissa Rosenberg, Seventeen's entertainment director, would appear in her place for the coming cycle of the popular show.
Thank goodness! Because when we watch the girls plaster giant, fake smiles all over their faces week after week, and feign surprise whenever the exact same prizes—that, invariably, never lead to the winner's becoming America's next "top" model—are announced, we'd really hate for Seventeen not to be a big, fat** part of it.
**no offense, Tyra
• Atoosa Rubenstein is as addicted to MySpace as you. And her girls.
• Rather than deal with those union contracts, America's Next Top Model has decided to simply fire any of its writers on strike.
• WWD isn't the only one pulling for CosmoGIRL! exec editor Ann Shoket to replace the 'Toos; we've been hearing the same name floated.
• Incoming LAT editor James O'Shea (via Chicago Tribune) is willing to bitchslap staffers to get 'em in line.
• With all the attention given to NYT investment Daylife, everyone can forget they spent hundreds of millions on About.com!
Yesterday we told you how Atoosa Rubenstein was expanding the boundaries of Seventeen magazine by putting musician/teen crush Teddy Geiger on the cover of November's issue.
Now Seventeen is going back on the air, with the 'Toos taking a role as a judge on cult TV show, America's Next Top Model and offering up Seventeen magazine as a partner. This was a space once filled by edgy Elle Girl, but … well, obviously they weren't a viable option this time around. And while the show may well be a favorite of Seventeen readers, Atoosa herself was not so enthralled.
But the TV-happy Rubinstein was only more than willing, though she cannot claim to be a loyal fan of the show. "I'm not going to lie and say I was a big viewer," she admitted, adding, "What's really important to me has been how we can take Seventeen off the page."
Off the page? That could be, like, new slang. As in, "this new Cocaine drink is off the page." In all seriousness, though, this is one role for her you really can't afford to miss out on. Especially when she picks one girl to be the orchid among the vast sea of carnations that get paraded in front of her.
Not to mention the Tyra Banks/Atoosa combo — priceless.
Atoosa Inc. [Irin Carmon, WWD]
While Atoosa Rubenstein's dip into reality TV yielded only one season of MTV's Miss Seventeen, the girl bible editrix is using the programming format to make another stab at boosting circ. We hear Atoosa has inked a deal with Tyra Banks' America's Next Top Model to slap the show's winner on Seventeen's February 2007 issue — the same issue, circa this year, that featured Miss Seventeen winner Jen. Normally in a case like this, we'd insist that February is your reality TV cover month — but Maxim already bucked the trend, proving any month is fit for a 13-minute celeb.
Let's play a game Jossip likes to call "Who's the Dumbest Person on Television?" We vote for the dude who wants to jet ski in a hurricane, and the whigger who wants to get his ass beat with a frying pan.
Luckily, we have Intern Molly, our special television correspondent, to gather all the freakshows up and put their charming quotes in a Simon Cowell filled Easter basket for you to skip around with.
Or, y'know, just read. The top five are after the jump … and they're totally worth it. Ryan Seacrest even made us laugh … out loud.
10. "Heaven and hell, earth, power, wind, force, make me listen and my strength will be my source." —Jade, ANTM
9. "Actually, I AM a lesbian, and the fact is I CAN take any one of your girls any day of the week! This is why I hate people."—Paula, Real World: Key West
8. "Our food was fly."—Stephen (the whitest man ever), Top Chef
7. "She's looking good from afar, but when we get close she is looking far from good."—Adrian proving his wit on 8th & Ocean
6. "I'm not your bitch, bitch."—Dave, Top Chef
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Because all those TMZ.com emails about every note sung and Coca-Cola drank on American Idol already make us queasy, we made Intern Molly watch this week's round of reality TV. She rounded up the best soundbites from a growing selection of shows, even though you probably already caught them in last week's preview of this week's programming.
10. "She constantly has diarrhea of the mouth and the mindless blabber that comes out of her mouth drives me insane."—Tarek on Charmaine, The Apprentice
9. "She's like a linebacker who's so big but can't tackle."—Guest Judge Roy Campbell on Sarah, America's Next Top Model
8. "I don't know whether to give you a record deal or a straight jacket."—Paula Abdul to Taylor Hicks, American Idol
7. "You can understand chemistry but you can't understand the concept of a phone?"—Brooke to Nnenna, America's Next Top Model
6. "I have the snot rag right now."—Kellie Pickler, American Idol
The Top 5, after the jump.
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When you get a bunch of wannabe models and Donald Trump together, well, the topic will inevitably turn to boobs. From the geniuses of Top Chef to the geniuses of America's Next Top Model, Intern Molly has rounded up all the pointless crap coming out of these people's mouths.
For a group of folks who are so percentage wise, they really do sound like a bunch of freakin' fools. The top five, along with today's most talk about sentance, after the jump.
10. "Love is such a distraction. It is a beautiful thing, but it will kill you." —Jade, America's Next Top Model
9. "I kinda wish you went in, because I was just sitting there waiting, and I didn't know anyone, and all the girls had like double D's."—Kelly to Sabrina, 8th & Ocean
8. "I am in the top three percentile of everything I do."—Stephen, Top Chef
7. "If this was America's Next Top Tramp [Brooke] would be a keeper."—Jay, America's Next Top Model
6. "Passions, isn't that that soap opera that has like Wolverine jumping out of the closet and Dracula and all that crazy shit?"—Sean, 8th & Ocean
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Because Paula Abdul's been curbing her craziness and Naomi Campbell out-psychoed everyone else, these bitchy little quotes may not seem so outrageous. But, they are. Laugh at these people, people. Because if you can't laugh at dumbfucks on television, who can you laugh at?
10. "It's harvest season, ya know?"—Sean to Teddy, 8th & Ocean
9. "Harold and Steven can go make out somewhere, because I'm done with them." —Dave, Top Chef
8. "Andrea doesn't know how to play in the sandbox. I actually know how to play in the sandbox." —Roxanne, The Apprentice
7. "Why you talking about two girls when they're not here when there are like one million girls here?" —Vinci, 8th & Ocean
6. "Keep in mind that you have zero friends." —Tarek to Dan, The Apprentice
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Those America's Next Top Model kids are flippin' hilarious. When Intern Molly sat down with seven hours of TiVo this week, she had no idea what she had coming to her. The fact that The Apprentice contestants and Top Chef folks act dumber than the 8th&Ocean cast really really scares us, but we guess that just goes to show that this Reality TV thing really is kind of catchy.
Oh, yes, and of course we have more proof of Paula Abdul's "craziness" (otherwise known to our readers as "drunkenness"). So grab a coke glass, fill it with rum, and get ready for girl showers, cat fights, and the odd smells coming from Brent. But don't forget the sweetest bites … after the jump.
10. "Furonda looks like a squashed bug under a petri dish"—Nigel Barker
"A pastry dish?"—Miss J, ANTM
9. "What I love about this Taylor, is that someone should be shooting this and making an exercise video out of it."—Paula, AI
8. "My skin is just as good as your skin."—Sabrina
"We're not the same. Okay. Get it straight."—Kelly, 8th & Ocean
7. "I don't think Andrea's an expert in graphics design. The only thing I think Andrea's an expert in is being an asshole, and Andrea, you might be joining Tammy in a taxi cab, and I hope you both have a good time smelling each other's crap because you both stink!"—Brent, Apprentice
6. "If you can't stand the heat in the kitchen, it is probably best to remove yourself." (Sure that's how that phrase goes.) —Steven , Top Chef
CONTINUED »
Oh, how we do miss Santino so very much. To fill the void, we had to adopt the cast of America's Next Top Model and Top Chef for this week's round-up. The Apprentice kids still manage to say to darndest things, and, 8th & Ocean gives us the bitchy ditziness that had been snatched along with our darling Project Runway.
Intern Molly has the top 10 quotes of the week, straight from the reality stars' wagging tongues.
10. "You know, there's nothing in life that's fair. Like some people would say it's unfair that Brent is here because Brent has been a complete disaster. You understand that, Brent?"—Donald Trump, Apprentice
9. "You look like you've gone to Dolly Parton School."—Simon Cowell to Kelly Pickler, AI
8. "Jesus is my maker and he is my husband."—Brit at Model's for Christ (sic) meeting, 8th & Ocean
7. "Taylor, your appeal is that you're like every dad who has ever got drunk at a wedding."—Simon, AI
6. "Whatever I make, it's gonna be sexy. It doesn't have to be dick. It doesn't have to be balls."—Cynthia, Top Chef
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Wasn't it, uhm, just this morning we revved up our Press Release Parade? Why yes, yes it was. Well get ready for an afternoon dose, courtesy America's Next Top Model. That's right, again.
Tyra Banks' celebration of empty hope is finally grasping this whole blogger phenom — and hopes some of them will give a shit that she's only holding eight photo cards for nine contestants.
WHO: This week’s eliminee will participate in a blogger press conference via telephone and will be available for questions regarding her experiences on AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL Cycle 6. *Please note, she is not able to answer any questions that could possibly reveal the order of future eliminations or speculate on who may win.
WHAT: AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL Cycle 6 press teleconference. Bloggers will be able to call in to the teleconference and ask questions directly to the eliminee. Once you RSVP, the call-in number and passcode to access the press conference will be sent via e-mail the morning of the event to credentialed bloggers only.
After the jump, you're cordially invited to waste your cell phone minutes on a conference call with PR flacks trying to use you.
CONTINUED »
If you haven't noticed, our inbox is a veritble compost pile of press releases aimed at generating a modicum of interest. At least one PR company is smart: They name dropped the Oscars, Tyra Banks, and Versace — which at least got us through the first couple graphs. The rest of it is all your responsibility, if only because we don't read about any dude that goes by "Miss J."
Every since E! Entertainment's ceremonious firing of Robert Verdi as the "official" Fashion Police, fashionistas have been abuzz (especially young American fashion designers) and singing the praises of their new found champion - Jay Alexander. As most would spend many hours chatting away over the injustice of the Armani, Versace and Wang clad red carpets, many young designers felt that their wonderfully and artfully crafted stunners would never see the light of day. But all this is changing…
This change is currently being attributed to none other than Jay Alexander or Miss J, as he is so lovingly referred to by Tyra Banks on her hit show America's Next Top Model. During the airing of consecutive episodes of the Fashion Police following three major award shows (Grammys, Golden Globes and Sag Awards) Mr. Alexander has constantly urged Hollywood celebs to pay more attention to upcoming designers and less to the same old designers that do
nothing but weigh down the carpet in boredom.
Great advice! Just the way to get the winner of Project Runway – and only the winner of Project Runway – to pay attention to you.
The rest of the misery, after the jump.
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• Clearly if a group of rappers got their hands on an Oscar, they must have "stolen" it. [AP]
• CD's performed by and marketed to kids are selling better than ever, thanks in part to the inexpensive nature of child labor. Shouldn't their showbiz parents be on top of this? [NYT]
• An America's Next Top Model winner finally got a job! To be fair, it's appearing in a Jamie Foxx music video. [MTV]
• Frankly, we have a hard time seeing Paula Abdul as any sort of threat, unless you're trying to protect an open bar. [People]
• Supposedly an entire trove of unreleased Johnny Cash recordings is ready to be released, though we're not entirely convinced it's not going to be Joaquin Phoenix wailing instead. [Rolling Stone]
Wait, you thought Intern Molly was done with her TV premiere round ups with this morning's The Apprentice: Martha Stewart recap? Please child, Intern Molly is the next Alessandra Stanley, you just don't know it yet.
Which is why we sicked her on Tyra Banks' fifth season of America's Next Top Model, the show were even fat girls get a chance at going big time .. for a few episodes.
The America’s Next Top Model premiere has it figured out: what people love about reality TV is the eliminations. If there was a show and all it consisted of was a panel of judges arbitrarily voting people off, it would kill. And on last nights show, though I suppose there were “reasons†for the eliminations, the viewer was treated to four whole separate public humiliation spectacles.
I don’t think there is a scene the entire two hours where there isn’t at least one girl crying. Wheee!
Crying on ANTM? That's sure new! The rest of Tyra's banal attempts to make pretty girls feel ugly, after the jump.
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