• Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen put their twin heads together, come up with a way to charge $175 for a t-shirt.

• Both Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead attend Anna Nicole Smith's funeral, but only Stern wears a pink-ribbon on his lapel to symbolize how much he misses her bank account.

• Michael Richards goes on a crazy racist rant. Yadda yadda yadda, a bunch of obsessed Seinfeld fans incorporate it into the show.

• Astro-Nut gets off scot-free; Paris Hilton now "even less worried" about doing jail-time.

• Jane cancels it's Mammory Glands photo shoot after Wednesday's BreastGate scandal.

• The never-particularly-attractive Ray Liotta gets nip/tucked for no apparent reason.

Pause with us for a moment as we revel in the irony of Ashley Olsen's (grammatically incorrect) pullquote:

I'm the sort of person who would rather stay home than get their picture taken.

Slapped on, of course, a pic from a Nylon photoshoot of Ashley Olsen, which she willingly signed up for.

Ashley Olsen all growed up [MollyGood]

• Why does Ashley Olsen constantly insist that she's not a role model? [Best Week Ever]

• Donald Trump is not afraid to express his special love for his daughter. So gross. [B&C]

• Reality TV shocker — the Bachelors didn't make it. Again. Tune in for next season when a couple people get engaged and then break up two months later. [AP]

• Arthur Sulzberger Jr. redefines the name "Pinch," as he proves his low salary of $800,000 to the starving reporters at the Observer. [NYO]

• While on tour, Mary J. Blige demands a new (as in previously un-sat-on) toilet seat for her precious tush. [TSG]

• Matt Drudge can contemplate racism, and whack off to photos of Naomi Watts all chained up. We guess feminism already had their story today. [Drudge Report]

• Still mourning Radar. We are so totally depressed that we barely made it out of bed and onto the couch. [Gothamist]

• Your last chance to see quality television journalism airs tonight on ABC. [Mediabistro]

• Ashley Olsen isn't the only girl who deserves to have a stalker. CNN anchors are people, too. [Breitbart, AP]

• The Daily News finally replaces their EIC…with the Editorial Director? Could've been worse. Could've been Llyod Grove. [Gawker]

• Following in the footsteps of Ted Koppel is a near impossible feat. Especially if you're an alien. [WaPo]

• You know it's a slow day in the gossip world when a Vogue editor getting knocked up makes Page Six. [Page Six]

• The latest addition to the 'I Hate Paris Hilton' club. (Sorry, we know. We're bored of hating her, too). [The Scoop]

• Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger aren't just fulfilling our guy on guy fantasies—Steve Martin wants in on the love, too. [Fox News]

• Gloria Steinem can say whatever she wants about Hef, but the last thing New York needs right now is to piss off a bunch of Muslims. [Lowdown]

• The f'ed up fashion industry finally admits to Vera Wang that they recognize her potential for talent. Maybe the rejected Ashley Olsen can model her new line. [NYT]

• Dave Chappelle takes payroll tips from Nylon. [MSNBC]

How do you piss off Karl Lagerfeld so much that he is left glaring across the room and muttering to himself in French? Show up 30 minutes late to his show, and then act like you have zero clue who he is. After reading that Harper's Bazaar article, we thought Ashley Olsen was totally his number one hag. Guess not, since the Chanel designer apparently scares the shit out of her.

To make things worse, when Lagerfeld waved at Olsen and tried to talk to her, our source reports that "She cringed away from him like he was a stalker.

Oh, Ashley, you should be so lucky. Lagerfeld's already looking to give the campaign to none other than Lindsay Lohan, who seems to be making an honest effort to show up for things on time these days. Plus, since she's a full-sized person, isn't she probably easier to dress?

ASHLEY'S NOT A CHANEL GIRL [Page Six]