"I think, if anything, the books like Devil Wears Prada and Because She Can have made things worse for assistants, because now bosses are less willing to let you work on important things, at least in New York. They’re paranoid. They think, ‘What could my assistant rat out about me?'" That's Save The Assistants founder and "industry help" godmother Lilit Marcus in today's Observer, bouncing off the newspeg of Jennifer Hudson starring as Carrie's assistant in the Sex and the City movie. These underpaid ladder climbers are rewarded not with cash or prestige, but with their boss' Rolodex and the chance to network their way into a better job every night. And while it's no secret this corps of hired help is so often abused, many, such as the twentysomethings holding these jobs, continue to wonder, "Why?"

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Hugh Hefner generously announced today that naked Miley Cyrus would be nakedly "welcomed in [his] magazine" full of naked ladies—when she's of age, of course. [Us] This isn't the first time that the doddering coot, or his kin, pulled such a stunt, knowing full well the offer would get a write up in the gossip columns, but that the starlets would never agree. Below, a look back at some of the million dollar deals, made by creepy old men, and Joe Francis, that never were.

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For some silly reason, British tabloids like the Daily Mail are worried about Kate Moss' grip on sobriety now that her personal assistant, Fiona Young, is leaving her side to have a baby — and told Moss she doubts she'll return after the birth. Says a source: "Fiona orders Kate's groceries, pays her bills, organises her daughter Lila's life and negotiates her contracts." Yes, it must be very painful to lose the one person who keeps your lifestyle on life support.

After Conde Nast's Jane magazine folded, the execs at Disney's The Fashionista Diaries had to figure out what to do about the low-level assistants they placed at the magazine that were to be featured in the show. Luckily, there's Hearst's CosmoGIRL! to pick up the slack. The two assistants who were at Jane will be moved to Sue Schulz's camp, while the series promises to cover the shuttering of Brandon Holley's title.

And if all of this puts you in a terribly excited mood, good news! The Fashionista Diaries is throwing a party tomorrow. Paging anyone whose job description puts them below "assistant!"

(Meanwhile: As you might have noticed, The Fashionista Diaries is advertising on Jossip. Our editorial coverage of the show, to be sure, has nothing to do with the fact that they give us money.)

What does a tenure assuring Ben Affleck he has a strong chin get you? Two years of dating Matt Damon and the chachet to open a pair of haute vintage clothing shops. That's the story of former Affleck flack (Afflack?) Odessa Whitmire, who turned her gopher duties into a two-year romance with BFF Damon. Now, with two partners, she's running Some Odd Rubies, reports Save The Assisants, with locations in New York and LA.

Which just might mean she's beaten out former Jessica Simpson assistant CaCee Cobb as the Best Use of Professional Underlinging.