Meet Ann Shoket. She's Atoosa's replacement at Seventeen magazine, and she's doing her best to win over the support of the tween population. And we think she's already well on her way, as evidenced by her cleverly orchestrated letter from the editor.

Indeed, in her inaugural introduction, Shoket compares starting out at Seventeen to her very first day at a new high school (which, by the way, is exactly like a cushy and extremely lucrative editor in chief gig!) And in the process, she manages to come off as fun and relatable, all while sneaking in a veiled snipe at her predecessor:

All I wanted was to fast-forward past all that uncomfortable weirdness to the point where my jeans were cool-girl sanctioned, my hair stopped frizzing, and I got invited to the good parties.

Eventually, however, Ann figured it all out. It was her frizzy hair that was holding her back! So, natch, she got her hair straightened, started hanging out with the Cool Girls and before she knew it, was heading up Seventeen! Now, if only a certain frizzy-haired former editor had done the same, she might still be partying with the media elite instead of holed up in her messy apartment, blogging about her traumatized youth and preparing to unveil her psychotic psychedelic new look…

Think Atoosa Rubenstein's got a decent (albeit frizzy-haired) head on her shoulders?

Think again.

Apparently, every bad decision in Atoosa Rubenstein's life can be traced back to this single, traumatic incident from her youth.

I totally love my mom – but I was raised with the clear message that if I brush off whatever is upsetting me, it would eventually go away. It was my mom's way of protecting me: Look on the bright side – and NEVER even acknowledge the dark side. She just wasn't comfortable in that space and it was always very clear to me.

Like, I remember once being a really little kid and my hand got caught in a piano seat (someone sat on the seat while my hand was still inside). My mom immediately hushed me, "No, no, no! Don't cry!" And I didn't, I sucked it right in.

I lived my whole life just trying to be the perfect girl my mother wanted me to be: I never let on when I was struggling. I realize now that's why I became a cutter…

Way to go, Mama 'Toos!

If you'd only known how to nurture your child at a young age, she would have learned how to cope with her emotional baggage without resorting to cutting, or—worse—abandoning her coveted Seventeen empire to make a bunch of crazy movies about a talking cat…

• The Portland Press Herald apologizes for accidentally threatening to destroy the entire Jewish race.

• Jeff Zucker to spin around in his desk chair while his three new senior deputies deal with "that whole YouTube thing."

• NYT has one more chance to talk about the Iraq-inspired "cartoonish violence" of this year's Super Bowl ads.

• Atoosa Rubenstein is negligibly closer to unveiling homemade films about her cat on LSD.

• In the wake of Money Honeygate, AdAge reflects on the valuable lessons we've learned about travel demands and merchandising.

• A videographer and "alleged journalist" continues to stay behind bars for no apparent reason.

Since leaving her job as the editor-in-chief at Seventeen Magazine, Atoosa Rubenstein has only offered us small glimpses as to what her giant, teen-tastic new project will be. Sure, there's been a good deal of hype, (particularly on Rubenstein's own MySpace page), but it's mostly been just a lot of meaningless fluff.

Like, for example, this:

In certain mediacentric precincts of Manhattan and Los Angeles, a striking and charismatic young woman named Atoosa Rubenstein moves from handshake to handshake, from meeting with advisers to pitching potential financial backers. In this, Rubenstein resembles a Presidential candidate testing the waters in Iowa. But her campaign is to build the next big multimedia brand around a person. This person happens to be named Atoosa Rubenstein.

And while we do enjoy reading about Atoosa Rubenstein hitting the campaign trail, lately we've been pining away for a real, substantive look at her daring new enterprise.

Until now.

Suddenly, details are starting to emerge, and we've got a pretty clear understanding of her next move. She's going to invest her energies, her voice talent and, presumably, her financial resources in making a crazy, pot brownie-inspired psychedelic video…about her cat.

Her first offering may be what she terms her "art project," Psychic Kitty, a series of psychedelicized videos on her MySpace page. They will star her cat Thurston spouting, in Rubenstein's electronically processed voice, brief inspirational tidbits. Rubenstein calls Psychic Kitty "the cat in the family," and she's mum on a debut date: "You know how it is with cats."

Hahaha, we sure do, Atoosa! But tell that cat of yours to "get it together" already. Because we're betting your Seventeen replacement, Ann Shoket, can't wait to toast to your new venture, light up a doobie, and check out your psychedelic, 60's-styled tribute to your four-legged furry friend.

We hear the inevitable happened today: Charlene Fabbiano, assistant to ex-Seventeen editor Atoosa Rubenstein, has been let go. New EIC Ann Shoket, after all, can't trust the help from the former reigning queen to do her bidding, now can she?

There's also unconfirmed murmurs of accessories editor Loredana Buonopane having also left, though this one went voluntarily.

Atoosa Rubenstein may have left the 17th floor of Hearst Tower, but she's still going neck and neck with her former magazine. As the 'Toos tries to launch her own new media-slash-consultantcy outfit, Seventeen's new editor Ann Shoket is letting the millions of tweens reading the mag that there's a new Big Momma in town. And where else to deliver the news but MySpace?

While Atoosa uses her latest MySpace blog post to suggest her gals go see Hilary Swank's Freedom Writers – also known as the movie for which the studio will stoop to all levels of publicity mongering – Ann is finding her sixth-grade words to describe her levels of jubilation:

Hi! I'm Ann! This is just a super-quick note to tell you that I'm so excited about starting this amazing new job! I know it sounds cliché, but being an editor of a magazine is literally a dream come true–when I was 16 years old I would spend hours and hours and hours reading magazines and trying to imagine what it would be like to be one of the women that put those brilliant words and beautiful pictures on the page.

Ann's full blog post to her future minions after the jump, but be forewarned: it's filled with (empty?) promises and encouragement to get to know each other better. In the meantime, we'll leave you with a few choice comments from Ann's post:

• "What happened to Atoosa? She was my chica."
• "what happened to atoosa?"
• "ohhh, Great. what happened to Atoosa? She was only the best."

And, by far our favorite, comes from "cap'n claire":

• "what?! what the fuck happened to atoosa?????? what is wrong with you people?!

CONTINUED »

• Spanish-language L.A. radio host El Cucuy turns self in following New Year's celebration that involved domestic violence charges.

• Oh look, sportscaster Jim Lampley joins that club, too.

• Ivanka Trump joins daddy Donald's bid to trample on Rosie O'Donnell for Apprentice ratings.

• Atoosa Rubenstein pleased with: the selection of Ann Shoket to replace her at Seventeen; not having to battle with Teen Vogue anymore.

• Giant's sale pricetag: $270k. Level of embarassment: seven figures, minimum.

CONTINUED »

• Anna Wintour might've rebuffed Project Runway, but she's all set for an A&E documentary about how many skinny people are required to produce September Vogue.

• Atoosa Rubenstein incorporates, sets up expense account.

• FHM may be gone, but Maxim is still causing trouble at the hands of Vanity Fair.

• Steven Spielberg offers filmmaking hopefuls the chance to be the next Project Greenlight disaster.

CONTINUED »

If you've ever reached the end of a Cindy Adams or Liz Smith column, you know how dreadful a party report can be. The hue of the red carpet might be the lede, while the way Barry Diller shakes hands turns into a three paragraph anecdote of how Cindy learned to tie her laces. But a James Brady party report reads appropriately like a fly on the wall — and what else would you expect from Page Six's creator? Writing for Forbes, James files copy from Hearstette Cathie Black's holiday party. Granted, Cathie's bash at her townhouse took place before Thanksgiving and the article took until today to find its way online, but you know how the Internet works these days: things take forev to post. Those "Save" buttons are tricky.

CONTINUED »

When Atoosa Rubenstein steps out of 300 West 57th this afternoon, it'll be her last exit from Hearst's tower as the editor-in-chief of Seventeen. No more town car. No more expensed lunches at Michael's. No more meetings with Cathie Black.

Today is Big Momma's last day atop the masthead, so we popped on over to the glass tower to eavesdrop at her staffer goodbye luncheon at Hearst's cafeteria (the quietest we've seen it since we dined there the first week it opened). The 'Toos donned what many would call a funeral ensemble colliding with a smattering of S&M: all black with straps-a-plenty. The mood was calm, somber, reflective. A mix of air kiss goodbyes with authentic farewells. Staffers, meanwhile, head into their Thanksgiving holiday without any idea who will be taking the reigns as their leader heads off into the world of "multimedia."

Goodbye, Atoosa. We'll be seeing you … on MySpace.

It was only a matter of time before Seventeen's Atoosa Rubenstein got the SNL treatment. So here she is (ahead of the just-as-likely Anna Wintour spoof, if we're not mistaken), courtesy of Maya "Appropriate For All Races" Rudolph, MySpace, and a tube of lip gloss. This one goes out to our homegirl, Cathie Black.

• Some celebrity charity projects have merit. Stripes on a face? Not so much.

• Ground breaks on CitiField, otherwise known as Shea's demise.

• Ellen Pompeo agrees to marry music producer boyfriend who is only one year older, though looks twenty.

• The Upper East Side is now the new Gramercy: Post-college kids who need space on the cheap.

• Sniff, but don't lick, those ads in People.

• Survivor contestant also Playboy TV hardcore reality series player (NSFW).

• Former Miss Seventeen contestant and Seventeen intern Brianne Burrows pops up from the woodwork to dish on Atoosa Rubenstein's departure. Everyone loves a MySpace spat.

• Voted "most likely accurate" of all of Simon Dumenco's predictions: Greg Gutfeld's crack den.

• Effective Friday, shelter title Dwell named Sam Grawe editor-in-chief, who began at the magazine in 2000 as an editorial assistant. J-school grads, there's hope for you yet.

• Atoosa Rubenstein is as addicted to MySpace as you. And her girls.

• Rather than deal with those union contracts, America's Next Top Model has decided to simply fire any of its writers on strike.

• WWD isn't the only one pulling for CosmoGIRL! exec editor Ann Shoket to replace the 'Toos; we've been hearing the same name floated.

• Incoming LAT editor James O'Shea (via Chicago Tribune) is willing to bitchslap staffers to get 'em in line.

• With all the attention given to NYT investment Daylife, everyone can forget they spent hundreds of millions on About.com!

• Atoosa Rubenstein's personal goodbye is posted, of course, on her MySpace page. [MySpace]

• People supposedly paid $1 million for Anna Nicole Smith's wedding-at-sea photos. Entertainment Tonight, meanwhile, got the C-section video for the same price. [NL]

• The string of events leading to Britney and Kevin's divorce might be in the liner notes. [MollyGood]

• Some topics are just too controversial for chyrons. [TVN]

• More college newspaper plagiarists .. from premiere j-schools. [Daily Northwestern]

• Guess what, chicken butt? You're paying for MSNBC's move to 30 Rock! [Radar]

• Perez Hilton claims to be an outsider in the celebrity game, which might explain why he spends so much time alone, leaning against the wall at parties. [AP]

• If the city is going to implement walk signals that count down the seconds you have before oncoming traffic becomes your enemy, it should first learn the difference between red and orange. [NYM]

Exclusive

After three years at the helm of Hearst's teen (tween?) title and 13 years spent inside Hearst's hallways, we're told Atoosa Rubenstein is leaving the House of Seventeen. Yep, the Today show fixture, the MySpace maven, the Big Momma (we'll stop now) is walking out the door. We hear that she's staying on through the end of the year, but already put Hearst chief Cathie Black on notice that she's done editing the title.

Which leaves so many questions: Where is she headed? What will happen to the CosmoGIRL staffers that came with her? Will the lip gloss recommendations change?

Not entirely sure, who knows, and god, we hope not! From what we understand, Atoosa is branching out of the staid world of print and embarking on something multimedia, though that's the same excuse Lloyd Grove gave while TMZ.com was turning him down. (And, just like Lloyd appears to own LloydGrove.com, Atoosa looks to be in control of Atoosa.com. AtoosaRubenstein.com, meanwhile, remains in Hearst's hands.)

Atoosa's contract expired in August, we're told, and she's been a free agent ever since. And that hasn't sat well with Cathie Black, whose Hearst house has been left in disarray ever since the 'Toos announced her impending exit — and refused Black's pleas to stay.

Thus far, Black hasn't yet found a successor to Rubenstein, though one insider's instinct suggests Jane's Brandon Holley (if only so Hearst can say they traded one EIC for another), or perhaps Seventeen's own Gina Kelly, the fashion director whose career began at the magazine.

And while Atoosa and Cathie are said to be parting ways on good terms, one insider wanted to make sure we didn't over look last month's spat of nasty Page Six items aimed at the 'Toos. Plants from the Hearst queen's executive suite?

On a related note, we're told Seventeen.com editor Sara Lieberman (a Gear refugee) split – on good terms – for the New York Post last week. And those rumors going around about Marie Claire editor Joanna Coles being the Hearstie making the surprise exit? False, we're told.

Meanwhile, one insider told us Atoosa had already told several of her staff members in recent weeks that she'd be leaving at the end of this month; that theory has been shot down by multiple tattlers — and, if it's true Atoosa hasn't told her underlings, the entire Seventeen team will be waking up to this news of their leader's departure. Now make like a MSNBC staffer and start printing those resumes.

• Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer (not her lawyer/husband, the other one) cuts her off his client list. She probably tried to make him think it was his baby. [Us]

• Oh, Sienna Miller. The folks of Pittsburgh are seriously going to build a statue in your honor after you leave. Just so they can knock it down Baghdad style. [Page Six]

• This is why Maer Roshan will never be asked to do a television spot. [Gawker]

• Elenor Roosevelt was a feminist. Therefore she was a lesbian. And was in love with the only butchy gal around, Amelia Earhart. Don't believe us? Rush & Molloy have proof. [R&M]

• Michael Jackson has officially started wearing women's clothing. It's Saint Tropez, so, it's all good. [Defamer]

All is not well under the glass facade of the new Hearst Tower — especially given tonight's dedication ceremony, where Hearst chieftan Cathie Black will welcome her editors, publishers, advertisers, and virtually the identical guest list as Fox News' 10th Anniversary soiree. Over the weekend Page Six reported Seventeen editrix Atoosa Rubenstein hired "crisis manager" Mike Sitrick, the go-to guy for the likes of R. Kelly — only the latest in a string of reports about the 'Toos's internal affairs: losing top-level staffers, possibly being sued by a former intern-slash-Miss Seventeen candidate. So where does the latest development fall on West 57th? Hard to tell, given our investigative resources are being devoted to finding the home addresses of the magazine's 17 Hottest Guys.

IMAGE DOCTOR [Page Six]

• Annie Leibovitz shows us a side of her we never actually wanted to see.

• Yes, Bill O'Reilly gets invited to parties. If not many, at least the Fox parties.

• We find out just how sneaky Diane Sawyer can really be.

• Glamour makes it really, really hard to leave the house.

• Despite her visit to Africa, Madonna did not actually go there to adopt a baby. You'd think she would ever follow a trend she didn't actually start?

• We've had many heroes in our lifetime: Maggie Gyllenhaal, Strawberry Shortcake, Matt Drudge … yet, none of them quite compare to Shanna Moakler. She is definitely our number one right now.

• Us Weekly breaks up Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Since nobody was really buying the whole engagement thing. Except Ken Baker of course. Yeah, literally.

• Who is this Little Miss Seventeen who thinks she has a chance in hell of both trying to sue Atoosa Rubenstein and getting a job in the media industry ever again.

• Jay McInerney officially retires Elaine's and Michael's.

• Betsy Burton jumps New York's ship for the new stellar start-up team of Time.

• The New York Times' Joe Sharkey goes through the hellish experience of being in a plane crash he may or may not have caused. And lives to tell us about it.

We learned our lesson about not breathing an editor's name aloud in the presence of gossips long ago. Brianne Burrows, however, seems to have taken to dragging her own name, along with her editor in chief's through the gossips. After taking second in the Miss Seventeen pageant, Burrows was not offered a job at the teen mag, but an internship opportunity to work under Atoosa Rubenstein. An opportunity that most people wouldn't turn down. But maybe Burrows should have.

After a mere three months of interning, Burrows found that her life was too "emotionally taxing." She says her editor blamed her for leaking stories to the press (really?) and was a victim of slander. And wants to sue Atoosa. Oh the poor, clueless sapling.

Atoosa blamed me for leaking the story about staff departures to gossip columns. She called me to tell me my career in magazines was over and that I'll never work in this industry again.

I am a 21-year-old college student who was interning for her. I am currently meeting with a lawyer and am preparing to sue her for slander."

She should just move back to her hometown in Montana now, because she is obviously not cut out for this biz. Atoosa yelled at her and told her, her shoes were ugly? Big freakin' whoop! You say "thank you Miss Atoosa Goddess of life and everything in it" and you shut the hell up. You don't sue the editor of a magazine for making you cry.

Otherwise Jann Wenner would have to be in court like 329 days out of the year.

REALITY'S TAXING FOR EX-INTERN [Page Six]

Oh, the internal conflicts in regards to commenting on this Page Six scoop. Among other things, Jossip is admittedly a friend of Atoosa Rubenstein's. And we think she's super nice. This fact, however, doesn't totally save her from our watchful eyes — especially when there are rumors of PR people "planting stories about her in gossip columns." (We really hope this wasn't an example of that. 'Toos, get a new publicist!)

Today the Post reports that staffers are leaving because 'Toos is a terrible, evil, person. (Not like any magazine EIC would completely side-step that description.) Oh, and, (did you know this?) she really, really, wants to be famous. And this desire for fame is a colossal secret.

One former staffer, who worked with her when she edited CosmoGirl, recalled one particularly odd editorial meeting.

"We were all sitting around, and Atoosa was doing a weird bonding thing where

she wanted everyone to disclose their deepest wish 'even if it was embarrassing.' " Rubenstein took the lead, saying, "I'll go first: I've always wanted to be famous!"

While are going to go out on a limb and say that this editorial meeting did very likely take place, we also speculate that the staffer who's dishing to the Post is obviously a bit disgruntled. Why is she so angry, we wonder?

Oooh, here's a guess. Maybe her big secret was "I've always wanted to be Atoosa!" and now she's an assistant editor at Weight Watchers magazine.

BLOODBATH AT TEEN MAGAZINE [Page Six]