5WPR, the public relations firm led by industry punching bag Ronn Torossian, sent over a few photos of Paris Hilton, Benji Madden, and America's Next Top Model something Jaslene Gonzalez (who we don't know, and apparently neither does 5WPR, since they spelled her name "Jaslene Gonzalzes") partying at "new midtown hostpot" Haven last night. Notes the emailed plant: "The notorious party girl parked herself at the table right next to the DJ booth, where her bf Benji was spinning, keeping herself awake by drinking Three Olives Cherry Vodka and Red Bull all night long."

Normally, we refrain from posting this soul-emaciating flack-fed items. But then some of you might have been worried that, given the ruinous economy and Wall Streeters withdrawing cash from their bank accounts, the days of overpriced bottle service were over. Hallelujah, they are not! (More evidence of celebrities paid to show up places here.)

Yesterday we mentioned in passing that Paris Hilton was hooking up with Benji Madden. And this was only news because Benji is Joel Madden's twin, and Joel Madden impregnated Nicole Richie, and Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton are ex-bffs.

But allegedly, they're totally for reals and Benji called her "the one."

Since 2008, Paris has been the one, or the one night for, Jared Leto, Simon Rex and Elisha Cuthbert.

Plus, she's been engaged to more people than we have fingers. We're just saying, Paris Hilton cries relationship a lot. We're not going buy her story anymore.

• Here's to betting that Benji Madden was the only person at MisShapes on Saturday night that even knows how to throw a punch. [Page Six]

• Nothing says bad-ass like a MySpace feud. With Fred Durst. [MSNBC]

• They say Proof was just "in the wrong place at the wrong time". Yeah, there's really no "right" place or time to get shot. [MTV]

• Polka Dot suits and crazy sunglasses for everyone! Elton John is hosting a closet sale, so get on down to Rockefeller Center while there are still platform shoes left. [National Ledger]

• Isn't prison bad enough without Jesus-centric talk radio? [NYT]