Howard Stern married long-time girlfriend Beth Ostrosky this weekend, leading to the biggest washed-up celebrity clusterfuck of the century. Let's see, the guest list included John Stamos, Jimmy Kimmel, Joan Rivers, Billy Joel, Donald Trump, Chevy Chase, Artie Lang, and Barbara Walters. Not to mention the ceremony was presided over by Kelly Ripa's wife husband, former soap star Mark Consuelos.

Do you think that some of these B+ listers phoned the paparazzi to let them know they'd be showing up to Stern's NY bash at Le Cirque, or did the photogs receive a formal invitation from the happy couple?

• Billy Joel may be running over lawns in Brooklyn soon. [NYDN]

• Oprah is "not opposed to rap" — especially when she's sititng next to Jay-Z. [MTV]

• And in other Jay-Z at a party news, he shed some pounds and Beyonce will once again be seen in public him. [Page Six]

• And because Jay-Z is the only musician in the news today, let's point out that retirement really means performing at sell-out concerts. At least to Jay-Z it does. [NME]

• Heather Mills' is fighting back against those nudey pics that got splashed all over the UK. We wonder if that affected expected sales of Hello! at all? [Jam!]

• Oh, Kid Rock. He just can't seem to learn that sex tape lesson. Doesn't he realize that we prefer not to gouge our eyes out?. [Page Six]

• If Michael Jackson is the Oscar Wilde of our times, then we are all totally screwed. Along with the 11-year-old boys from the late 1800s. [LA Times]

• People, get it straight. Kanye West is not a sex addict. He's a porn addict. Nobody said anything about Jesus getting laid. [The Scoop]

• Bobby Brown continues to be the creepiest man alive by propositioning and violently manhandling a woman at Nick Cannon's birthday party. Bobby, those stunts make you look worse than Whitney, yo. [Lowdown]

• Billy Joel is leaves his lifelong band mate and drummer broke and alone. Hey, at least he didn't force the guy to drive anywhere with him. [R&M]

• Sure, Busta Rhymes is happy to talk when it comes to psycho ex girlfriend. But, when it comes to looking more and more like he knows who shot his bodyguard? Not so much. [Page Six]

• Don't feel like sifting through uber-prolific Ryan Adam's entire catalogue? Check out New York magazine's cheat sheet on how to distinguish him from all the other scruffy ambiguously hobo-looking guys walking around the East Village. [NYMag]

• Gothamist's interview with Overnight will leave you wondering why you don't hang out at Port Authority with trannies more often. [Gothamist]

• Popmatters has some predictions for what will be considered the greatest pop bands of all time. And while the baby-boomers got Elvis, The Rolling Stones, and The Beatles, we have U2 and Dave Matthews Band to boast our generation's utmost hipness. [PopMatters]

• So much for Uptown Girl. Billy Joel drags his wife to the outskirts of Chelsea, after selling his Tribeca loft for a new West Village space. [Page Six]

• Big shocker here: Motley Crue singer Vince Neil acted inappropriately at a fundraiser he agreed to perform at over the weekend. Note to organizers: first make them sing, then unleash them on the open bar. [Lowdown]

• Hockey games: great for getting drunk and yelling at people in masks, bad for the excessive amount of call and response songs. [Hockey Music]

• A whopping 42 songs have been short-listed as nominees for Best Song at the 2006 Academy Award. "You're Going To Die Soon" from Sarah' Silverman's movie, Jesus is Magic better win, or we're blaming the Jews. [Oscars.org]

• Indie poster boy of yesteryear, Conor Oberst, was denied admission to the Vice Holiday Party at Fat Baby. Now we don't feel so lame for being totally carded on the LES this weekend. [Village Voice]

• Why a masher with a name like Party Ben is a threat to Green Day we'll never know. We would, however, understand if this sparks a nationwide 'who's gayer' debate. [MTV]

• Pink Floyd fans would be psyched, for David Gilmour's solo tour if all those acid trips didn't erase him from their memories. [Press Democrat]

• 50 Cent rags on those our northern neighbors for not letting his thug posse into the country. Come on, really — why would a bunch of Canadians be scared of a huge black man with a face full of bullets? [TMZ]

• Great genes and great PR are so often indistinguishable. [Page Six]

• Billy Joel would like to clear up some serious misconceptions about his past. Joel is not a Jack Daniels man. Instead, he used to only drink Dewar's White Label scotch. (Need we remind you, we're Ketel One connoisseurs.) [R&M]

• 50 Cent and The Game have been able to put aside their beef to record tracks for the latter's s upcoming album. We can all learn a lesson from this — Israel and Palestine, we're talking to you. [MTV]

• A band named The Right Brothers is campaigning to get their conservative anthem, "Bush Was Right," on TRL. All they need? Scantily clad booty teens in the video. [Stereogum]

• Courtney Love has been using her time in rehab to write songs for an upcoming album. One of the track titles is "How Dirty Girls Get Clean," which we're assuming includes a lot more withdrawal than it does body wash. [NME]

• Ozzy Osbourne mooned the audience at the UK Music Hall of Fame Ceremony concert, hoping to shock the audience (we hear he has a tendency to do that). Unfortunately, there were camera's present. [BrooklynVegan]