What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas — even at the expense of children's birthdays, if you're Kevin Federline. The father of the year was in town for the Friday preview party for a new nightclub and had so much fun that he decided to stay for the weekend. One small problem: His sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James, were celebrating their birthdays back in LA:
Much like the rich, snotty girl on the top of the hill, Madonna's big Five-Oh bday was celebrated in the company not of her friends, but the hired help. Miffed at the lack of celebrity A-listers (David Blaine showed up, but was part of the entertainment, which is sad on about five different levels), Miss Madge used the party as a dance rehearsal for her upcoming Sticky & Sweet tour. She also gave a thirty minute thank you speech to all her adoring paid employee-fans. Def. not in attendance? Axel-Rod — seeing as how Guy Ritchie footed the 100,000 pound bill.
Today Lindsay Lohan celebrates her 22nd birthday — a day that, at one point, we were unsure she would live to see. So here’s to you, Linds, and your goal to get your life back on track. Let’s hope 22 treats you better than all of those other years … and if not, then at least we’ll have something to write about.
On Friday, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen will turn 22 years old. We’re assuming you would like to send gifts to the twins, so PETA has a great suggestion: Cut off some of your hair and mail it to the girls with a note reading, “Please, use my hair instead of the animals’. Happy birthday.” Because that’s not creepy at all.
Happy birthday to Richard Johnson, the Page Six chieftan who turns a year older today. Oh, and on Monday Details editor Dan Peres and hottie actress wife Sarah Wynter welcomed Oscar Dallas Wynter Peres in the world at 6 pounds, 6 ounces. Tiny, unlike his soon-to-be ego. Happy bday to the wee one.
"Newly promoted James Murdoch, seen as the heir to the News Corp. throne, will celebrate his 35th birthday Dec. 13. Wall Street observers are comfortable with the idea that James — a self-confessed digital whiz kid — could take over from his father down the line: 'He can be very tough.'"
Tough, eh? Not exactly the word we would use to describe a "self-confessed digital whiz kid," but then again, he is a Murdoch.
Anyway, Happy 35th, James! We hope you have what it takes to take over the family biz (i.e. Evil Empire Enterprises & Son) someday. [Hollywood Reporter]
Today, Jossip celebrates its fourth wonderful year of existence. In honor of this momentous occasion, each editor has come up with a list of goals/achievements he/she hopes to have accomplished by the time Jossip turns five. It's overlord David Hauslaib's turn.
By this time next year, I will have …
1) Trained my staff not to regard my absence from the office as an opportunity to turn their hateful chain emails about me into in-person bickering.
2) Increased Jossip's frenemy list – which currently hovers around just a half dozen – by adding someone new every day.
3) Curtailed expenses by cutting waste, such as Internet access. That, or boosted productivity by blocking Google chat. And banning email.
4) Posted another Match.com profile of a leading blog mogul.
Today, Jossip celebrates its fourth wonderful year of existence. In honor of this momentous occasion, each editor has come up with a list of goals/achievements he/she hopes to have accomplished by the time Jossip turns five. Next up: Corynne Steindler*
By this time next year, I will have….
1. Stopped accepting $1,000 Christmas gifts on behalf of Richard Johnson.
2. Discovered how to attend an open bar without getting intoxicated to the point of slipping off the bar stool. Twice.
3. Gotten a Blackberry.
4. Stopped referring to Liz Smith as "The Cryptkeeper."
Today, Jossip celebrates its fourth wonderful year of existence. In honor of this momentous occasion, each editor has come up with a list of goals/achievements he/she hopes to have accomplished by the time Jossip turns five. Next up: Andrew Belonsky
By this time next year, I will….
1. Get "Jossip" in a dictionary. I don't really care if it's Merriam-Webster's, Oxford or rudimentary reading's, just as long as someone, somewhere can flip through the J's and find us nestled between "joss stick" and "jostle": a fitting location.
2. Coin and propagate new definition of "gay". I must use the g-word about a billion times a day. Yes, there are other words, but some people find them offensive. Homosexual's too clinical. Fag's too aggressive. Queer's unclear. Homo sounds too flippant. Like the monarchy, "queen" should be retired. [Note to self: Yag? That's gay backwards. Could work, but lesbians may object to leading 'Y' for the chromosomal connotations. Find lesbian, ask her opinion, apply that opinion to all lesbians].
Today, Jossip celebrates its fourth wonderful year of existence. In honor of this momentous occasion, each editor has come up with a list of goals/achievements he/she hopes to have accomplished by the time Jossip turns five. Next up: raronauer
Wow, Debbie. Interviewing Hill Clint? I’m impressed. My goals are mostly about doing less work. Well, you know, humble goals for a humble woman.
By this time next year, I will have….
1. Figured out a way to smoke breaks without having to smoke.
2. Tricked David into giving me monthly three-day weekends.
3. Written less frequently and with more accuracy about the Times most e-mailed list.
4. Found an intern to do Wednesday Reads.
Today, Jossip celebrates its fourth wonderful year of existence. In honor of this momentous occasion, each editor has come up with a list of goals/achievements he/she hopes to have accomplished by the time Jossip turns five. First up: Debbie Newman.
By this time next year, I will have….
1. Interviewed Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani, and told Dennis Kucinich's publicist, "Yeah, this probably isn't going to happen," referring simultaneously to both the presidency and the interview.
2. Finally stopped introducing David as "my sort-of boss."
3. Admitted that my quality of writing is inversely proportional to the amount of alcohol I've consumed the night before.
4. Found a way to hand out my business card without saying "They're pink. And scented. I think it gives them a little something extra."
Ever wondered about the birth of the emoticon? Of course you have! We always figured it was conceived in the back of a Toyota 4-by-4 after one too many brewsky's. But apparently, it was actually invented by some random Carnegie Mellon professor, during a discussion about the "limits of online humor" which was, contrary to what the subject matter denotes, devoid of any humor content whatsoever.
Fahlman posted the emoticon in a message to an online electronic bulletin board at 11:44 a.m. on September 19, 1982, during a discussion about the limits of online humor and how to denote comments meant to be taken lightly.
"I propose the following character sequence for joke markers: :-)," wrote Fahlman. "Read it sideways."
Unbelievable! Who knew there were online electronic bulletin boards in 1982??* In any event, we're sick and tired of emoticon guy grabbing all the credit. It's a computerized smiley face people, big frickin' deal. That said, we propose the inventor of the following character sequence: 58008 (read it upside down) be given the Congressional Medal of Honor.
*We thought Al Gore didn't invent the information superhighway until sometime in the early nineties. Confusing!
It seems like only six months ago that Julia Roberts finally admitted to being "knocked up" for the second time in approximately two years. (Wait a second, it was!) Which explains why today, People's already announced the arrival of the third—and newest—member of the Roberts-Moder, a boy named Henry Daniel, who weighs in at an impressive 8.5 pounds.
Henry was born Monday in Los Angeles and weighed 8½ lbs. "The Moder family is doing great," Roberts's rep, Marcy Engelman, tells PEOPLE exclusively.
Meanwhile, Henry's older brothers, two year-old twin terrors Hazel and Phinnaues, are said to be incredibly excited about their brand new younger brother, but annoyed by his "disappointingly unpretentious first name."
This photo of Lindsay Lohan reminds us of one thing and one thing only: a Last Night's Party pic.
We especially love that Lohan goes back to her roots with the Long Island look of a bikini and high heels. Alas, we scoured LNP, but were unable to find a photo of a girl standing in a doorway wearing her bathing suit that didn't involve her nipples being sucked on. However, we did find this tribute to LaLo. On the underside of a toilet seat. Which is probably what she spends most of her nights looking at anyway.
It's a good thing Lohan can't legally drink… [Mollygood]
When Slate was born, we were mere middle schoolers, typing over IM with one friend while three way calling the other (duh, we were always little gossips) and trying to find a reason to email (our summer camp crush).
But, we have since grown — and so has Slate. It was during our uber liberal college years that we first came across Slate, and reveled in its irreverent tone and natural confidence in taking on media. Now celebrating its 10th birthday (ancient by Internet timeline) Slate gives itself the platform to brag about its many accomplishment. We're happy to hear they adore themselves as much as we do!
Slate has little use for such journalistic crutches as sources, quotations, fact-checking, neutrality, objectivity, balance, the Chinese walling-off of fact from opinion, or the semicolon (which our founder, Michael Kinsley, deems "pretentious"). It's not that we reject all such conventions in principle—we are often the first to complain when newspapers depart from them.
Oh, also, they would like to take this opportunity to plug their book. So, Happy Birthday, Slate … here is our gift to you:
This article is adapted from the introduction to The Best of Slate: A 10th Anniversary Anthology. Click here to buy the book.
What Makes Slate Slatey? [Jacob Weisberg, Slate]
If you're like us, you use Google at least 100 times a day. So when the Google sign pays tribute to Arthur Conan Doyle we take notice. Especially because we didn't see anything about it in the New York Times.
If you're under the age of 25, you may or may not have ever heard of this guy … but you surely know his characters by heart. And in the attempt to save you the three seconds it would take to do this yourself, we clicked on the Google sign, and pulled up some info on the author in celebration of his birthday.
And in homage to average Googler, we pulled up the first entry that came up instead of searching for the most reliable.
Arthur Conan Doyle was born in Scotland and studied medicine there, eventually serving as a physician in the Boer War (1899-1902). But his fame rests on his creation of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes. Doyle published his first Holmes tale, A Study in Scarlet, in 1887. Over the following 40 years he published 56 short stories and four novels featuring Holmes and his sidekick, Dr. Watson. Late in life Doyle became closely interested in mysticism and wrote the 1926 book A History of Spiritualism.
And Steve Martin will be playing him in the on screen biography.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle [Who 2]
• Who knew contemplating Tom Hanks' hair could be so fun? Anyways, we're just sick of hearing about his damn movie. [The Jay]
• In case your numbers are dropping (and we're not talking about cholesterol) here are some words of wisdom from Star EIC Joe Dolce to help you move on by. [NYP]
• Today, Blogebrity learns how to feed itself cheerios and say its first sentence. We bet it was "we got so many links today, yo." Yes, they are very very bright. [Blogebrity]
• We know it's like 5 months away, but Conan O'Brien will host the Emmy awards. Which means he's probably not nominated. [emmys.com]
• Charlie Sheen's publicist is going to commit suicide any day now. [Defamer]
• Star boasts its undying faith in Nick Lachey, while Jossip boasts our undying ability to make a punchline out of him as often as possible. [Star]
• Now that George Clooney has an Oscar, he doesn't need your lame accolades. [AP News]
• Is Page Six trying to kill us with this stuff? "Picture Donald Trump in a kilt." Uh, thanks, we'll pass. [Page Six]
• The better headline for this would read, "Instead of growing old gracefully, these women are doing it with botox and face lifts galore." That being said, Happy Birthday Cher. You look just as plasticy as your doll. [NYDN]
• Those stretch marks prove nothing, Katie "Kate" Holmes. Just show us the baby already. [Defamer]
Today, May 16, isn't just the anniversary of the first Academy Awards ceremony (in 1929, they were presented at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, back when L.A. faggotry was kept on the downlow). It's also the birthday of a very special Jossip friend: MSNBC's Tucker Carlson. He looks younger than his 37 years now that he's lost the bowtie — and, as he recently demonstrated on The Situation, he's still got the moves.
What else does Tucker have? A very special gift for our own Intern Wendy, whose diligent evening cable news watching for our regular "Cable Quotables" feature earned her some special (creepy?) recognition from the Tuck Man himself. See what Tucker snail mailed over, after the jump.
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Editorial Director
