• The 5,000th Duane Reade is built. In place of the one and only Kim's Video. [Gothamist]
• Everyone has a hard time in high school. Especially the girls who get attacked by Vampiras. [NYP]
• No animals were harmed in the construction of David Blaine's fish tank. [NYM]
• You know the crazy lady with 87 cats that practices Wicca and chain smokes? This is New York's. [NYT]
• Happy birthday, Empire State Building, happy birthday to you. Ok, fine, it's a little weird to sing to a building … but at least we didn't try to jump off of it. [NY1]
• Turning 64 is as good as butta'. Barbra Streisand, today (like every other one) is your day! [Perez Hilton]
• Russell Simmons and Nick Lachey are in a competition to see who can sleep with the most women before his divorce is finalized. [Page Six]
• Rappers tell kids to be careful with their spending. No additional commentary needed. [ABC]
• First we had the list of worst albums ever. But now we have something even better — "The 50 Worst Things Ever to Happen to Music" according to Blender. [Mirror]
• It seems that George Michael's pot smoking has done wonders for his ticket sales. [Mirror]
Today, the girl who has shown us her many talents (party queen, heiress, porn star, runway model …) turns 25.
Wow, 25. That means her life is like, 63 percent over or something, right? Well, we really hope she enjoys this day, even though her boyfriend just broke up with her. Hey, maybe you can make her feel better! Totally, send her a gift. What do you get for the girl who has everything, you ask?
We have few fab solutions, guaranteed to make the crazy bitch's day:
• A bottle of Absinthe
• Some Vagasil
• She definitely needs a new diary and some sex toys
• Oh, and a three year gift certificate to a storage unit
• Possibly a map of the world, highlighting London's location
• A flourless cake
Cheers, Paris! Here's to knowing that no matter how hot you aren't, we'll always be younger than you.
Hooray, our favorite Iowan turns 28 today! Webbed toed and all, Ashton Kutcher made his way from Cedar Rapids where he literally sold his blood for money, to land a TV gig, a coupla' network shows, and the hottest wife in Hollywood.
We can only imagine what Ash is doing to celebrate the big 2-8. Staying in with Demi Moore and the kids? And Bruce Willis? And Bruce Willis' girlfriend? Who knows, he may just end up rollin' the streets with Diddy and his twin brother. (We know Kutch wouldn't ditch his twin on the b-day.)
However he chooses to celebrate, we're sure this awesome Aquarius will have a fab night. We'll celebrate by being the only people to ever rent Butterfly Effect (come on, guys, it's his birthday) and not buying our weekly supply of tabloids. So, cheers, Ashton. And thanks for all the dumb, dirty blond fantasies.
Happy 25th birthday, Justin Timberlake. We barely recognize you from your days as a Mouseketeer, where your squeaky high voice won our hearts over. But look at all you've accomplished in your few years — more than most male pop tarts can hope for in their whole career! (We're talking to you, Nick Lachey.)
• Bagged the hottest thing in teen pop (Britney Spears)
• Bagged the oldest thing in teen pop (Janet Jackson)
• Snagged a somewhat older but still respectably young Hollywooder who has nothing to do with teen pop (Cameron Diaz)
• Used your somewhat older but still respectably young Hollywooder to secure a role in Shrek 3
• Stood by your somewhat older but still respectably young Hollywooder while she fought to keep secret those bondage pics and collected cheques from the British
• Scored the awesome "trousersnake" monicker
• Fought the paparazzi
• Fought faux sex stories
• Bought your way into the black community
• Taken Sundance (but not all "indie" film festivals)
And already you're on your way to becoming the next celebrity restaurateur. Look at you! Best wishes from all of us at Jossip. See you at Marquee — 'cause where else would you be?
Justin Timberlake [Answers.com]
Related: All Justin Timberlake coverage
Happy 42nd birthday, Mariska Hargitay! We've been dutifully following your transition from hard-edged street cop to Officer McHotty, and let's just say, you don't look a day over a TV actress having missed the movie boat.
Mariska Hargitay [Answers.com]
