Who knew that working in an Alaskan oil field was such a sought-after position for a new teenage father? Levi Johnston quit his job today after an Anchorage radio station host started questioning the 17-year old's credentials to apprentice out in the fields when he had not obtained a high school degree. The host may also have insinuated that Governor Palin hooked Levi up with that sweet gig, presumably because she wanted the dumb jock and his Oxycotin genes as far away from Bristol as he could possibly go.
Auspicious beginnings to 2009 for crazy snow nut Sarah Palin: While you were out making with the merriment late on New Year's Eve, Palin was sitting in her ice fishing shanty in Wasilla, Alaska, screaming at People magazine's answering machine.
"You need to know that both Levi and Bristol are working their butts off to parent and going to school and working at the same time," the former Republican vice presidential nominee told People magazine in a phone message on New Year's Eve. "They are certainly not high school dropouts."
Ha ha ha! What a fucking insane wacko! Can you believe that she was almost our American vice president in charge of outlawing abortion?
Palin went on to say that false reporting claiming her daughter and son-in-law are dropouts "harms [their reputations] and their chances for good work opportunities," as if Bristol and Levi aren't going to stay in Wasilla until they're old, angry, salt bags who will cheat on each other with whomever is at the hockey rink on Tuesdays.
Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston was born tonight before The City started. First response? I honestly thought there was a kid named Tripp already, but then I remembered I was thinking of Trig. Total proof that they are both from the loins of the same Bristol Palin, n'est pas?
Listen y'all, I don't know much about fancy MTV shows like Laguna's Beach or The Big Hill or what have you. Basically I've spent the last 84 hours watching non-stop Friday Night Lights, so I'm sort of in the mindset to watch Tim Riggins and Matt Saricen score a touchdown for the Dillon Panthers. But hell, Whitney Port arriving to The City is this momentous (barf) occasion for NYC'ers who can now watch their third or fourth favorite vapid faux-celebrity walk around in their own time zone, so we'll be liveblogging the premiere of Le City tonight, which is french for The City, which I've already hilariously dubbed The Shitty. Also I'm a little bit tipsy and it's all downhill from here. Let's get this ball rolling!
Over the week at Jossip headquarters, we come up with any number of story ideas that, for whatever reason, don't make it on to the site. Usually, that's because they involve 1) picking up the phone; 2) research; or 3) absolute idiocy. Allow us to share with you the pitches that never made it off the white board..
You're welcome. CONTINUED »
Ooooh, this would totally have been a scandal if Palin actually made it to the White House: Sherri Johnston, mother of Levi Johnston, father of the baby of Bristol Palin (who's the daughter of Sarah Palin … get it??) was arrested in her home in Wasilla on drug charges. CONTINUED »
Remember that scoop a little while back when AP finagled some stupid-sounding quotes out of obviously not-the-shiniest-gun-on-the-rack Levi Johnston, father of Bristol Palin's bebbie? And everyone chuckled and thought, "Who let Beavis here give an interview when Sarah Palin's brood is protected tighter than an endangered species list in Wasilla?"
Welp, there is only way to report up in Alaska, and that's the old fashioned way. With misdemeanor stalking:
Forget Troopergate (oh what, you already have?): The state of Alaska is investigating claims that Sarah Palin spent over $21,012 in taxpayer money to lug her oddly-named daughters to and from events that they weren't specifically invited to.
Palin wrote visits to New York and Anchorage for herself and her female fam as official business, and was reimbursed for her travel by the state, but didn't even bother listing those reimbursements as a source of income on her tax return. Waah-waah.
Alaskan policy allows for family members to attend events on the house if they were "conducting official state business."
Which was obviously not the case in situations where conference organizers didn't even know the Palin family would be attending:
CONTINUED »
Oh lordy: someone actually tracked down Levi Johnston, the baby daddy of Bristol Palin's spawn, for an interview about his position in/on the current politic climate. Confirming most people's suspicions, Levi (who dropped out of high school after the proclamation of his fatherhood), is the type of guy that makes Brody Jenner look like Dr. Gregory House in comparison. Which, no biggie, just means he will have no problem communicating with his future in-laws.
Some pearls of wisdom from the hockey hunk, after the jump:
CONTINUED »
Before Sarah Palin, Britney Spears was America's most fascinating trainwreck. And just as Bonnie Fuller suggests that Jamie Lynn may have gotten pregnant again to spite Bristol (unlikely, but who knows with these families), maybe the Alaskan governor's appearance on the national scene made Brit-brit pine for the days when everyone speculated over how she could possibly do/say such stupid thing. Hence, an MTV documentary about the popstar, For the Record! Out in November!
CONTINUED »
Everyone's a'speculating that only three months after giving birth to her daughter, Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant again. And so far it seems to good to be true: The Spears faithful rep (god that man must be tired) already squelched the rumors.
But as they say, a story is only as true as you make it (that's not something anyone says), so Bonnie Fuller and The Huffington Post are going to continue on this Lynn pregnancy lead, because it allows them to keep drawing comparisons to Bristol Palin:
CONTINUED »
Remember those glorious days before Labor Day, when the blogosphere was ablaze with rumors that Trig Palin, Sarah's supposed fourth child, might actually be her grandson? There was that DailyKos article (which seems to have disappeared…hmmm) which sparked a controversy and possibly tipped the campaign's hand in alerting the media that Bristol Palin was indeed a underage mother: She was five months pregnant at the beginning of September.
So the media circus shifted its attention to the new Juno controversy and Lynn Spears freaked out because of the hypocrisy of the MSM with their treatment of Bristol versus her daughter Jamie Lynn, and everyone forgot about baby Trig.
Charlie Gibson will be the first reporter logging official face time with Sarah Palin since her nomination as Republican VP only thirteen days ago. What could they possibly have to talk about?
Luckily, upstanding citizen that he is, JackShaf moved on from his all-important campaign of boycotting the DNC to compile a list of questions Charlie Gibson should ask Sarah Palin at the undisclosed time of the interview.
Unfortunately, Shafer's list reads like a duplicate of the Anchorage Daily News itemization of questions that the publication never received Palin's answer on. Blah blah Senator Ted Stevens accepted bribes, do you still support hi*sssnooooze*.
So what are some fun but totally not-happening questions that Gibson could use to spice up the interview?
CONTINUED »
Did you know there are six other McCain children besides Meghan, the camera-friendly 23-year old who blogs for daddy's campaign? (Musings and pop culture on the campaign trail? You're hired!) If you didn't, it's no biggie; Meghan long ago offered herself up as the sacrificial child in this campaign and now with a new children's book about her dad, the oldest and most vocal sibling of the McCain clan wants you to know a thing or two about personal privacy in the political arena (by talking to Meredith Viera, natch):
CONTINUED »
Despite confirmation that Sarah Palin will be on Charlie Gibson's ABC show for her first interview since she was named VP nominee, the McCain camp lashed out at the media and said Palin wouldn't be talking to anyone until they can behave themselves. "Behave themselves" being code for "not mentioning anything about her children," apparently:
CONTINUED »
BriWi is about one major coverage short of a nervous breakdown. It's already duly noted that NBC is scheduling Williams so many places at once that he can't even blog, but that was apparently just the beginning:
From the Olympics in Beijing to the Democratic convention in Denver to Hurricane Gustav coverage in New Orleans to the Republicans in St. Paul to L.A. tomorrow for a cancer awareness special with his Big 3 competitors.
By Williams' calculation, it comes to 38,486 miles — including two Pacific crossings, two Atlantic crossings and 10 overseas cities.
All in less than a month, remember. Well that explains why he's getting so snippy when talking about Bristol Palin, "Families are messy and complicated and American and normal…it's where public officials kind of close the door behind them. Home is home. Family's family."
Here that America? Brian Williams wants you to stop the clamoring so he can finally catch some Z's.
(Click to enlarge image of Sarah Palin during happier, poorer times)
Weren't you just thinking the other day how this Sarah Palin's teenage daughter Bristol's pregnancy scandal was totally to September what John Edwards and Rielle Hunter's love-baby was to August?
Too bad, it's not. There is a so, so much salaciously better rumor about the former beauty queen and her sexcapades that is going down.
The National Enquirer wants any fans of the Edwards/Hunter and Palin scandals to please step forward, because do they have a scoop for you: CONTINUED »
Hoser found! After what must have been hours of rather simple but tedious work, the New York Daily News was able to track down Bristol Palin's fertile young mate, a self-professed "fuckin' redneck" named Levi Johnston. Apparently, the paper then fell in love with the 18-year-old hockey player:
Yes, the Juno pun is a little too clever to ignore completely. And besides being a nation of whiners, America is also the nation of tabloids, blogs and TMI regarding celebrities and the kind of shits they've been taken recently. But this Labor Day weekend was all about Sarah Palin and her daughter and the states of pregnancy they might have occupied at one time or another. Is Sarah Palin's youngest son Trig actually her grandson by way of her 17-year old Bristol? The same Bristol that was just revealed to be five months preggers? Alaskan politics is more Days of Our Lives than anyone gave it credit for.
But isn't it just so misogynistic to have, within two days of a historic nomination of a woman on the White House ticket, a giant can of theoretical worms open on the topics of body rights, abortions, and teenage mothers?
The problem with Palin Preggersgate is that it's very easy to play Devil's Advocate and be all "Leave the Palins alone!" instead of "Sarah Palin would make a horrible VP for reasons that have nothing to do with her personal life." CONTINUED »
