In May, Times television fabricator Alessanda Stanley referred to The Hills star Heidi Montag as a "feminist hero." Now, Lauren Conrad gets her own (incredibly accurate) misnomer: "an avatar of synergy." That's how academic Mark Andrejevic, who wrote something called Reality TV: The Work of Being Watched, describes Conrad, for her fusing entertainment and advertising together into one easily consumed product. Andrejevic is talking to Forbes about how MTV's most successful television show has produced a troop of ladies who are brands unto themselves, launching fashion lines and scoring endorsement deals while cameras chronicle their normal lives. But soon, with Hills creator Adam Divello spinning off the show, it won't just be the ladies who are earmarked for synergy.

CONTINUED »

You wanna be Paris Hilton's BFF? What about a seat in Brody Jenner's entourage? The The Hills professional hanger-on has scored his own Ryan Seacrest-produced reality show, Bromance, which will spit out six episodes on MTV where other fame seekers compete to hang out at Hyde with Jenner. This is, of course, Jenner's third bout with reality TV; before forcing himself on The Hills, he had the short-lived show Princes of Malibu, which apparently wasn't enough evidence that America was tired of this guy.

To make this an even more homoerotic experience – you know, besides naming the show Bromance – contestants voted off the show will be ousted in a Hot Tub Elimination Ceremony, where losers will be sent home dripping wet in their swimsuit. And that's after the guys go on "group dates" and try to score "alone time" with Jenner.

Are you sick of Halloween already? That's a shame, seeing as you still have to deal with the Village parade, throngs of inconsiderate Trick-or-Treaters and the pressure of coming up with a costume for this weekend's belated Halloweeny goodness.

And speaking of Halloweenies, our best gay friends have taken the liberty of showing us how our favorite celebrity packages (and Spencer Pratt's) stood up against skintight spandex.

Because there's really nothing "scarier" than gaining a newfound respect for Brody Jenner. Or finding out that kryptonite isn't Superman's only shortcoming.

[Queerty]

• When your daughter is Kim Kardashian and your son is Brody Jenner, it's kinda hard to pick just one "black sheep" of the family.

• In honor of Dumbledore's coming out (or, more likely, just because) someone with even more free time than us has compiled a highlight reel of Jon Stewart's best same-sex shoutouts.

• Our little sister Stereohyped likes Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain. Especially while waiting to interview Ciara on the red carpet of her fifth (yep, fifth) "official" birthday soirée.

• Bambi places in the top 25 horror films since, as it turns out, the only thing worse than a cannibalistic Hannibal Lector and a chainsaw rearing Mike Meyers or a psychotic clown is the shooting of a cartoon doe.

CONTINUED »

• Diddy writes a not-nice song about ex-girlfriend Kim Porter. Which was probably a good move, seeing as women who let you bang Sienna Miller, ogle Jessica Biel and impregnate other women all while birthing and raising your own children are typically a dime a dozen.

• Annoying rich kids Brody Jenner and Spencer Pratt are in a big, douchey fight.

• Tweens given opportunity to overpay for tacky, American Idol inspired wardrobe.

• Hilary Duff reduces a 9 year-old girl to tears, presumably by forcing her to listen to her crappy new album. On repeat.

• It's not that Eddie Murphy doesn't have time to chase after his ex-girlfriends. It's just that he's sick and tired of supporting their designer shoe habits. Or, you know, their children out of wedlock.

• Is Liv Tyler married to a former homo? Or, should we be asking, 'what's the frequency, Gwyneth?'

• Creepy Scientologists have evolved beyond cupcakes.

Al Gore's son is taking his father's celebrity straight down the well-beaten path of other trainwreck Hollywood children. And he couldn't have picked a better time! After all, moving vehicle violations are so hot right now, and with his July 4th arrest (for speeding and drug possessions) Al Gore III joins the illustrious dubious ranks of famous brats Brandon "Wedding Ruiner" Davis, Lindsay "Memorial Day weekend DUI" Lohan, and Nicole "Driving while smoking weed and cracked out on painkillers" Richie.

Oh, and speeding and by drug possession we don't mean pushing 70mph and a mere handful of Ritalin so much as cranking the eco-savvy Toyota Prius up to a cool 100pmh, and toting around approximately 140 Vicodin pills and "dozens" of other unauthorized meds. Or, in other words, enough to last LiLo approximately 4-6 hours. After a wild night of drinking. At the Chateau Marmont. With Olsens present.

So what does the future hold for Al Gore's "tree" happy son?

CONTINUED »

• Unemployed actress Sally Kirkland dons blackface and a Lionel Richie "fro" and poses beside Nicole Richie—presumably because (a) they're all crazy, and (b) Angelina Jolie was unavailable.

• Meanwhile, the next time Paris Hilton screams, "Why won't those awful paparazzi just leave me alone?" simply shake your head and remember that she's a crazy, lying mess.

• Lauren Conrad accidentally-on-purpose broke Brody Jenner's finger during a heated game of touch football. Natch, Jenner didn't let it ruin his beer buzz and had resumed his normal activities (read: binge-drinking and spending his father's money) within hours.

• JLo and her skeletal hubby Marc Anthony claim they couldn't be more "normal." Assuming "normal" is slang for "stuck-up rich people, one of whom has a disproportionately large ass."

CONTINUED »

The 'Win A Date With Douchebag Brody Jenner' contest has officially begun!

As you know, we've been waiting for this fateful day for several weeks now, and finally, other media outlets have started to take note! We've seen Brody mania spread as far as the reaches of Gawker and Best Week Ever, and are hopeful that it will soon take its rightful place on the front pages of The New Yorker and/or Supermarket News.

And while, naturally, the ladies have already started sending in their video pleas, it's not too late for you to join them!

Our advice on how to get a leg up on the competition? Check out what the slightly cross-eyed Brody has to say about the perfect date, and then try and say the exact same thing in your video response.**

Earlier:
• Reminder To All The Single Ladies: Brody Jenner Is Still Available
• Calling All Single Ladies: It's Your Day-After-Valentine's-Day Dreams Come True!

**Also, it might help if you're a pseudo-famous reality star, a rehabbing Mean Girl, or someone whose dad has a lot of money. (He totally loves that!)