Because tomorrow is our editor's last day (sniff, sniff) she would like to take this opportunity to direct your attention to Suzie Hansen's column in the New York Observer. We feel that maybe we haven't devoted enough time or attention to Hansen's items in the past. Especially her Slope Opera column. For example, today's installment, which we would like to bring to your attention. And offer up a short (possibly one last) rant in response.

Gentrifiers are hyper-attuned to wavelets of gentrification. Grouchy Brooklynites declare, with characteristic condescending toughness, a neighborhood completely transformed after the first five white people invade. But most still obsess over the changes that occur after their own momentous arrival. It’s a preoccupation even now, decades into Brooklyn’s massive absorption of Manhattan émigrés (the trendily tired and poor), who keep scrambling over the bridge, battered futons and pregnancy tests in tow.

It goes on, featuring observations just as brilliant (if not quite as full of side-splitting hilariousness) as the image of couples with futons and EPTs. We don't really have a point here. Just that, well, finally, somebody said it.

We know the rest of the article is about shopping or something, but, we don't care. Let this be a quick lesson to all you Brooklynites who think you are safe in Sunset Park or Lefferts Garden. Just wait until you go into your local Polish grocery to buy your Czech beer and there they are: a couple wearing tennis outfits. Yes, you'll be angry, and of course you'll want them gone. That's when you must remember Hansen's words, and realize: it's your dumb-white-ass fault for paving the way for them to move there in the first place.

Brooklyn Gals’ Payday Plunge: $600 Black Eyelet Numbers [Suzie Hansen, New York Observer]

• Landlords attempted to evict Maggie Gyllenhaal from her Tribeca pad. And, she almost cares but she's moving to Brooklyn anyways. [NYP]

• Free food at 5 Ninth? Call now because this will certainly never, ever happen again. [Grub Street]

• NYC's Rodeo Bar is now selling cowboy boots and belt buckles covered in peanut shells. [NYO]

• You know those skinny dudes who are always huffing and puffing to pedal the chubby Midwestern folk down 42nd St? Yeah, well, New York wants to put some regulations on that. [NYP]

• How do we say "cross" in this city? "Icon of the Attack on New York." [NYT]

• Thankfully, the legend of the Hotel Chelsea will never, ever die. At least not as long as Ethan Hawke's fan club is alive. [Gothamist]

• Since when are East Village hippies "sex-starved?" They don't hook up at Niagra for three days and their famished? Give us a break. [VV]

• The First Lady came to New York and the only thing she said was "I love teachers." Yet, it's still more intelligent than anything her husband's ever said. [NYP]

• Traffic: the reason why New Yorkers are so lonely all the time. And why Park Slope moms with a million kids and block parties life in a blissful bubble. [Curbed]

• Time Out! Micky Rourke is screaming things like "fag" and "deformed douchebag." [Queerty]

• Gothamist is now chronicling every shooting, every fire, and every pedestrian hit by a cab with their real-time mapping technology. If you're bored … laughing at people getting stabbed is always entertaining. [Gothamist]

• The most frightening thing about Brooklyn? The squirrels that will attack your garden. And the fascinating microcosm that erupts when New Yorkers get two square feet of space they call a "yard." [NYT]

• Right here in New York, on Good Morning America, Mark Foley inadvertently called himself a "creepy old guy." Kind of makes Lloyd Grove look a little less COG-y. [Lowdown]

• Nobody told Michael Musto that Avalon closed down? Shame, shame. [Musto]

• The Italians are accosting adopt-a-model spokesperson Dylan Stableford. [FBNY]

• We would find this article sentimental or something, except the only game we've ever seen played in Prospect Park is softball. [NYT]

• Andrew Krucoff earns his Conde Nast potatoes, one charity dollar at a time. [YM]

• Brian Williams tries to save Saturday Night Live, viewers remain unimpressed. [You Tube, Gothamist]

• Because everyone in New York thought that the 9/11 hijackers never laughed before. Not once in their lives ever. [NYDN]

• It's cool if Winona Ryder acts like a lunatic in SoHo Lounge. Just so long as she doesn't steal anything. [Page Six]

• Yay! Now we can go to Union Pool this weekend and still make it home. Dreams really do come true. [Gothamist]

• What? No trans fats? But how are we going to eat our one calorie Doritos and Trader Joe's crackers? College students in New York are so doomed. [NY1]

• Where is Chris Hansen when you really need him? Or Kurt Eichenwald, perhaps? [NYDN]

• Some people aren't as happy as we are about the celebs moving to Park Slope. Though, having a story about Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard stealing your apartment, is pretty bad ass. [NYO]

There will now be one more pregnant lady (soon to be one more stroller) shopping at the Park Slope food co-op and picking up breakfast from Connecticut Muffin. But it won't be just any young, young rich couple starting a family. It will be the most photographed couple in New York these days. Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard purchased a four-story 3,600-square-foot brownstone on the north side of Park Slope.

Their listing—before it was yanked from the Corcoran Web site—described old-school brownstone details like original doors and moldings and a recently restored façade, plus “a grand parlor with floor-to-ceiling windows.” (Thankfully, those floors are pine.)

Then there are the fireplaces, seven of them, with marble mantles.

Michelle Williams, in her attempt to save brownstone Brooklyn once said, “My husband Heath and I moved to Brooklyn for light and space and air." We're sure Maggie and her husband feel the same. Light, air, and the lack of paparazzo. (Those other Slope moms will totally take down any photogs with their army of bugaboos.)

Park Slope Celebrity Tour! [Max Abelson, New York Observer]

• Isn't everything in Williamsburg considered "street art?" Isn't that why all those people look like that? [Curbed]

• In New York, porn and fashion are totally synonymous. Especially when Marc Jacobs and Michael Lucas. [R&M, 485i]

• Well, Ralph Lauren staffers, it looks like things could be worse. You could have the bed bugs they get in Bed Stuy — the ones you can actually see. [NYT]

• Did Tom Freston really think a book party for Arianna Huffington would draw a small crowd? [Page Six]

• Hugo Chavez should just stick to his "President Bush is the Devil" stuff. [NYP]

• Finally, A fresh coat of Pepto Bismol for the pink house! Hoo-rah. We were so sick of looking at it's chipping exterior. [Gotahmist]

• Only a real estate blogger would describe Times Square's new Hawiian Tropic Lounge as "hooterific.' [NYO]

• We were literally the only people in New York media not at this party. Good times. [FBNY]

• This is the most New York thing ever: women who's greatest fears include failing their detox program. [Slate]

• The Iranians are coming, the Iranians are coming! Hide your children! They eat babies! [NYP]

• Why are the explosive vapor things never in Williamsburg instead of Greenpoint? [Gothamist]

• Oprah spending an hour with a gay guy can only be described by the Daily News as "creepy." That's totally what Jim McGreevey's mission is all about. [NYDN]

• SNL officially axes Horatio Sanz. Which means maybe New York will regain a trace of cool. [ETP]

• So much for those new N trains. [NYT]

• New York magazines asks if development in Brooklyn begs arson. We have no idea what the conclusion was, but we sense the next victim will be the Nets stadium. [NYM]

• You know that book Jim McGreevey wrote? The man depicted as his lover claims the story is full of lies. See, James Frey can be an inspiration. [NYT]

• The latest trend in New York City high schools? Chlamydia. (We blame 50 Cent.) [NYP]

• Here's to hoping New York's new blog, Grub Street, has better luck than Frank Bruni's diary of a food addict. Also, can we start calling food blogs flogs? [Eater]

• Here's to hoping Michael's doesn't use spinach in their Cobb salad. [ABC]

• New York's next "giant art thing" will be a mirror in Rockefeller Center. And you thought the Bloomingdale's windows were dangerous. [Curbed]

• The most un-shocking Democratic Primary ever took place yesterday. Most people couldn't vote because they were "accidentally" registered as Republican, but, that's a whole nother story. [NYT]

• Speaking of Republicans, lawyers for the New York Times advises reporters to act watch a lot of Weeds and hang out in Washington Square Park if they want to avoid the administration's prying eyes. [NYO]

• You know that skinny, blonde homeless girl wondering around Brooklyn? It's just Kate Bosworth. [Gatecrasher]

• Nothing makes you says "hardcore New Yorker" like random culture-y stuff on the Gowanus Canal. (Tues. 9/5) [Brooklyn Record]

• OMG! The cast of Oz! Put down whatever you're currently doing and just run. [Free NYC]

• What? Anderson Cooper at the 92nd St. Y? That, like, never happens. (Thur. 9/7) [NYM]

• In case you don't work in media and are the only one who hasn't seen the premiere of Sherrybaby, you should go. After all, Maggie Gyllenhaal has a family to support now. (Fri. 9/8) [Flavorpill]

• Dada at the Moma? There has to be some child psych issues in there somewhere. And this week is your last chance to take advantage of them. (Through 9/11) [Paper]

• Even the subway stations in Park Slope are prettier. See, when you fill a neighborhood with babies, tea, and lesbians, this is what you get. [Across the Park]

• Happy Labor Day Hamptonites! (We're so evil.) [The Beach]

• If you must put yourself through the act of reliving 9/11 Salon knows which television outlet you should turn to. [Salon]

• Sure, the sign says "no parking," but how is anyone really supposed that those signs are real? [NYDN]

• If only Brooke Astor had not been rich. Then she wouldn't have to be sad that all the things she loved are gone. [NYT]

• We wish we could have a whole round up called "Only in the New York Post." This headline would be the top spot. [NYP]

• Queens College students may be brighter than you thought. Er, well, the kid did get caught … so maybe not. [NYDN]

• Did you hear? Traffic in New York is pretty terrible. You might have better luck walking … but your chances of getting hit by a cab definitely increase. [NYP]

• Tragedy inspires art. Hence, artists should live in New York. It's still the most tragic city in the nation. Even more tragic than New Orleans. [NYT]

• The Brooklyn Pavilion is offering a wide selection of yummy new snacks. [Brooklyn Record]

• If NYC drivers would just stop for a nun every now and then, maybe we wouldn't all be going to hell. [NYP]

• Just try to leave NYC today. Just try. [AP]

• The Brooklyn Bridge needs a make-over. It's starting to look worse than Courtney Love. [NY Sun]

• NYU students pay a lot of money so that they will have the view from their dorm room the East Village residents had back in 1978. [NY Sun]

• Maybe it's just that more disadvantaged people are dieting? [NYT]

• Now that Brooklyn has its very own celebrities, the next obvious step is lesbian Playboy-inspired pin-up calendar. [Metro NY]

• If you’re roaming the East Village and have a hankering for some food in a glass box under a heat lamp, Bamn! has answered your very strange up prayers. [Metadish]

• Think your weekend was boring? You could have spent six days videotaping Staten Island. [NYT]

• Bill Clinton should definitely not go anywhere in NYC except Harlem. [Lowdown]

• New York City really does need free condoms a little bit more than it needs free Starbucks or free Ben & Jerry's. [NYP]

• Will New Yorkers want to eat where homeless people sleep? Well, they are still eating at Starbucks. [NYT]

• Get your free golf cart tour of Washington Square Park while the offer lasts. [Curbed]

• Breaking, shocking news! You can buy expensive art even if nobody knows who you are. We, for one, are frozen in disbelief. [NYM]

• Now that it's been mosquito season for about three months now, the city is getting around to spraying for West Nile. [NY1]

• If an ugly person writes a book, will New Yorkers read it? [Galleycat]

• Biking in New York 101: Leave the "three to a bike" tricks to Lance Armstrong, Matthew McConaughey, and Jake Gyllenhaal. [ABC]

• The B/D train tracked fire sucked hard. (We were personally affected). But it did create the best image of the week: Cooked, canned, sardines in hell. [NYDN]

• Another sex slave ring was busted. Jeffrey Epstein was nowhere to be found.. [amNY]

• Who can make this stop? Who? Can Adrian Grenier make it stop? Shame on you Flickr. Shame. On. You. [NYO]

• "No Pissing Or Shitting. If Caught Will Be Fine or Jail! By the Law!" Ok, it's better written on a sign. With a marker. By an an immigrant. [Curbed]

Here's a New York Times trend piece we sort of can't deal with right now. There are just too many numbers, too many Marty Markowitz quotes, and too many random, nonsensical assumptions.

The gist of the piece is that more college grads are moving to New York. (Of course they are, it's the intelligence hub of the entire country). The problem (says the Times) is that these grads are taking well-paying jobs, and sucking up the "affordable" housing. And when, with their fancy college degrees in hand, they still can't afford Manhattan, they move to Brooklyn and suck up that housing. These Cornell, Georgetown, and Michigan State yuppies are ruining New York City. And not just with their Abercrombie polos, flip-flops, and GQ subscriptions. They are making it even harder for the average kid born in Queens to succeed here in their own city.

Granted, we agree. New York is by far more accommodating to those who come in later in life with education and money than it is to the working class families who have roots in the city, especially outer boroughs. But let's take a quick look at the New York Times' "analysis" of the situation.

“But unfortunately, it’s more likely to mean that it’s increasingly difficult for poor people without college degrees,” he said. “Affordable housing is not as available. The people who make the city work, who do the hard work in the city — the waiters and janitors — are not going to be able to live in the city.”

Which is kind of funny when you think about how many college grads you know who are working as a waiter, waitress, bartender, or caterer in New York. And even more hilarious when you think about how many Yale and Tufts grads have jobs at the New York Times. And live in Manhattan.

New York Area Is a Magnet for Graduates [Patrick McGeehan, New York Times]