• Jessica Simpson and John Mayer confirm their "secret" relationship with messy, drunken PDA.

• Joe Simpson cashed in on Jessica's fame to score himself free Cowboys tix. Continues trying to figure out how to cash in on Ashlee's "fame."

• Steve-O resolves to be "An Even Bigger Jackass" in 2007.

• Breaking: Paris Hilton can add "bad tipper" to her dubious list of accomplishments.

• Jay Mohr marries Nikki Cox, again confuses her with the "hot chick" from Married With Children.

• Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush finalize divorce proceedings, leaving Murray free to enter into second ill-advised quickie marriage.

• After the high-profile cancelation of O.J.'s book deal and interview, he finds other ways to "hypothetically" profess his guilt.

• Busta Rhymes to be charged with assaulting an employee, compounding his pre-existing charges of assault and attempted assault.

• Busta Rhymes, no longer content with degrading women and himself, has decided to take up the hobby of gay bashing. [Page Six]

• Kevin Federline is interested in supporting more orphanages. Who knows, some of the orphans might actually be his. [Lowdown]

• Listen, if a Jackson is going to court, we're going to be there to see it, damn it. [The Scoop]

• Jessica Simpson should definitely adopt a child. We're sure she's far more fit than the hundreds of families that have been waiting for years. Completely sure. [AP]

• In a moment of true irony, the policeman from The Village People has been arrested. He's facing up to five years in jail for having the lamest outfit. [NYT]