Calvin Klein, the designer as famous for his controversial ad campaigns as he is for his fashion brand, celebrated 40 years in kiddie porn the industry this weekend.

Now would be the proper time to raise a glass to cultural icon and reflect on all the fun gossip he's given the media over the years. To Calvin, and his love of naked, underage boys!

CONTINUED »

That nipples — or is it mere areola? — are, much like actual genitalia, one of the defining lines between "acceptable" and "OMG NUDITY HIDE YOUR CHILDREN!!!" is something Americans learn at an early age. This explains why print advertisements around New York for the Brazlian rum Cabana Cachaça go without nipples, while advertisements for newspapers in Europe include full breasts. (Okay, not always; NSWF.) On television, nipples are an even bigger affront to civility, which explains why the Eva Mendes spot for Calvin Klein's new fragrance Secret Obsession was banned from U.S. airwaves in a convenient publicity-driving announcement. The scent's print spots, too, do not show nip.

But why, in an age where music acts and television shows can be named "Pussycat Dolls," are we still afraid of nipples?

CONTINUED »

At this stage in our lives, we're still utterly terrified of small children and invariably relieved that the screaming, crying and incontinent little things (who poop on planes and "spit up" on Daddy's lap) aren't ours. But should we ever change our minds and decide to have our own little bundle of joy, remind us not to contact Page Six for the birth announcement.

"AT LAST, A BABY FOR KELLY AT 50!" barks Page Six. "KELLY Klein is finally about to become a mother. Childless through her 20-year marriage to fashion czar Calvin Klein, Kelly, at age 50, is having a baby."

Or, put more succinctly: AGING SPINSTER BLESSES SURROGATE UTERUS WITH FUTURE POWER-GAY.

• Eddie Murphy addresses rumors that he's obnoxious and difficult to work with by sulking over his Oscar loss and storming out of the awards show.

Al Gore may have won the Oscar for An Inconvenient Truth. But how long until Bush demands a recount?

• Djimon Hounsou to take off his pants for Calvin Klein.

• The Village Voice gets itself a brand new Managing Editor; the Sun loses one of its most valued readers contributors.

• Diddy's twelve year old son enjoys a sleazy lap-dance four or five years before it's even "borderline acceptable."

• It turns out the Bob Woodruff story also features the less-interesting narratives of a bunch of non-famous war veterans.

• The hype over Vogue Living? Totally uncalled for, reports the hype machine. [Gawker]

• Kazakhstan finds a way to get in the headlines without the help of Borat. [Reuters]

• Record labels more douchey than previously assumed. [WSJ]

• Calvin Klein leaks all over Jean-Georges Vongerichten, loses choice tables throughout city. [NYDN]

• Surprise! Boston Globe staffers don't want their salaries tied to the sinking ship of newspaper revenue. [E&P]

• It's about time Kurt Andersen understands he's now part of the very bastion of media elite that Spy would've harped on. [Ocean Drive]

• Leonardo DiCaprio tries the same "green TV" stunt Cameron Diaz already attempted to force us to watch. [THR]

• Tommy Hilfiger's shirt says he's sorry. And that he should stick to polos and cable knits. [TMZ]

• Love fashion? Love technology? Calvin Klein wants to call you a "technosexual." It sounds like a name for an Internet porn feign … but if Gizmodo and Fleshbot had a baby, we would call it that. [Muckraked]

• Please, somebody just take a picture of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline to end this madness. We don't want to see it … just send it to Us and leave us out of it. [Us Weekly]

• And yet another baby who will never be as hot, popular, or good willed as Shiloh Nouvel. But, she'll have Woody Harrelson as a dad which would be fun. Especially when she's 16 and her friends can come over and play Cheers. [People]

• Mena Suvari gives Jamie Kennedy the old "big eyes" move. (Uh, Mena, we know the whole "funny" thing is endearing, but, come on. You could do better.) [Mollygood]

• Jessica Simpson might have to pay yet another group of whining bitches. [TSG]

• Leif Garrett gets sentanced to jail, while Kate Moss is still roaming free. [AP]

• Supposedly she's roaming right back to Calvin Klein. [Socialite's Life]

• Mischa Barton hopes to break her "teen brat" typecast. And acting like a spoiled bitch is supposed to accomplish that. [SBN]

• Now that The Da Vinci Code court case has been decided in Dan Brown's favor, can we please, please see the movie? [Sky]

• Next week's issue of New York predicts the most fought over paparazzi photo ever will be the Brangalina baby … but with Katie Holmes' alien child scheduled to pop out first, it's gonna' be a close call.

• Tom Hanks goes to Japan and talks to the Prime Minister. Of all the crucial topics to discuss, they chose hair. [Defamer]

Mary-Kate Olsen, the new face of Calvin Klein?

Only if her jeans can stay on her waist. And Ashley doesn't puke herself.