Who is this attractive young woman on the left?

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Need it be said, we're taking Thursday and Friday off for that holiday about feeling thankful. See you Monday.

• There's nothing we look forward to more than the annual tradition involving a presidential pardon and a turkey. And, come to think of it, a bird.

• We do not necessarily agree with all of Oprah's favorite things.

• With today's comic-strip recession, Caroline in the City would never have lasted a day. Sadly, those are four seasons of our life we'll never get back.

• Apparently, nobody ever told Catherine Zeta-Jones that "there's no 'I' in 'team.'" Or maybe somebody did and she laughed it off and said, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

• A humorless British Christian activist sues the producer and director of "Jerry Springer: The Opera" for blasphemy, reassures us that America does not have the monopoly on crazy Christians.

• Oprah Winfrey is really, really sorry that she "saved" a bunch of impoverished South African children by subjected them to habitual beatings and repeated fondlings.

• Paris' body is a wonderland.

• So is Hugh Jackman's, but for very different reasons.

• Catherine Zeta-Jones, like all women in Hollywood who drop a few pounds from eating healthy and exercising regularly, totes has an eating disorder.

• Meanwhile, Cate Blanchett has put on 2 or 3 pounds, which constitutes irrefutable evidence that she's knocked up.

• Jessica Simpson reminds us why her (creepy!) dad/manager is so proud of his daughter's rack.

• Britney Spears may have taken time out of her busy fried-chicken eating schedule to drive herself into a parked car, she's apparently too fat to model her own perfume. Curious!

• Also, Brit seduced a 21-year old college student in a hottub by making out with him during a game of Truth or Dare.

• A clearly unbiased New York Post wants you to know that Daily News owner (and "pipsqueak publisher") Mortimer Zuckerman's a shitty writer. Just, FYI.

• Catherine Zeta-Jones has finally had enough of Michael Douglas' old-man semen.

• Christina Aguilera's non-famous hubby takes ample precautions before venturing out into the frozen foods section of his local A&P.

• If you thought/hoped you'd seen the last of Carlton and Urkel, you'd better think again.

Michael and I have been married seven years. I’ve known him nine years. We’ve never screamed at each other. We disagree, yeah, but we never shout. No, never. I did the screaming thing before. It doesn’t work. I’ve realized that you can actually say what you need to say. People can tell from my tone of voice. And my kids know when I raise my finger or do ‘the eyes’ that I mean it. I don’t put up with much. I’m kind to everybody. But don’t ever cross me, because I’ll let you know.

–Catherine Zeta-Jones in this Sunday's issue of Parade magazine.

• Hey, you know what's even fishier than sleeping with a guy old enough to be your father grandfather? Washing your hair with Beluga caviar at $400 a pop.

• Lisa Rinna puts the "skin" in "skinny."

• Washington Post names Britney Spears "Biggest Celebrity Train Wreck," prompting Lindsay Lohan to respond, "He-llo! What about me?"

• Gwen Stefani, Gavin Rossdale and baby Kingston pick up some groceries on the way to Diddy's annual "White Party."

• Turns out New Yorkers could use a couple of fashion tips from Joan and Melissa Rivers.

• Mariah Carey may not be your sweet, sweet fantasy, baby any longer, but at least she's significantly less chunky than she used to be.

Years ago if someone said they were doing a movie in Romania, I was, like, `What time is my flight?' I couldn't see beyond the script," the 37-year-old actress tells InStyle magazine in its July issue, on newsstands Friday. "Now I'm like, `Script? I'll figure that out after dealing with the people I love more than anything in the world.'"

–Catherine Zeta-Jones, reassessing her priorities [via Yahoo]

While his U.S.-version of OK! swings its pendulum to the positive (for now, anyway), Richard Desmond has another reason to celebrate: His British OK! just beat Hello! in a court, where his tabloid triumphed in a battle over Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones' wedding photos.

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Julia Roberts might be the $20 million woman on the big screen, but Catherine Zeta-Jones takes that title (and dollar figure) when it comes to the small screen. Though Mrs. Michael Douglas isn't doing Lifetime MOWs — she's doing T-Mobile, and raking in the cash. On Monday, Adweek's Gail Schiller is going to break down celebrity endorsement deals by the numbers. Perfect timing, too, because the high we got off seeing Bruce Willis shilling for a Japenese fuel company is starting to wane.

After the jump, the listicle you're looking for of the top earners in the sell out category — many of whom you'll only find in international ads. Wouldn't want Americans to know how they make $2 million in a day.

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• Diddy cites his gay Uncle George as the person who instilled fashion sense and a fear of side photography in him. So, we guess this means his being swathed in velour at birth didn't inspire Sean Jean. [Page Six]

• Turns out the God nuts are right after all — rock n' roll really does make you die young. [AV611.org]

• Catherine Zeta-Jones, tired of T-Mobile commercials and regular musicals, is bending the predictible by making a British gay rugby musical. You heard us! [R & M]

• Producers are scrambling to get this Marvin Gaye movie up and running before the whole biopic music legend craze dies down. [Billboard]

• Bryan Adams isn't just a guy with a set of stairs to fall down. He writes music, too. [AP]

• So why did Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellwegger split? Depends on which paper you read. The New York Post's Cindy Adams claims it had to do with Kenny's "lifestyle choices," while the New York Daily News' offers up the tamer "she wanted kids, he didn't." Meanwhile, Page Six has the goods on their prenup, which Kenny had drawn up thanks to his fortune worth 10x hers.

• Beside trading the pasties for that pesky orange jumpsuit, Lil' Kim can look forward to 366 days in prison featuring recreation in a large cage per weekday and an 80-square-foot, dimly lit cell to pass the remainder of the time. At least she has her five mics rating for her new Naked Truth album from The Source, even if it did take her manager's romance with the mag's CEO to get it.

• Kate Moss owned up to those Daily Mirror photos and admitted her coke use, and H&M appreciates her honesty: They're letting her stay on as the face of the discount fashion chain. Meanwhile, her contracts with Dior and Chanel are said to be in good standing.

• Rosario Dawson waved goodbye to her Lower East Side haunt on Thursday now that's she left the Rent stage, and we're sure her much poorer co-tenants are glad to see her leave the rent controlled flat.

• We're not even sure how this happened, but we've got Joe Francis and Kimberly Stewart proclaiming they are not together while Francis' rep says they are. Usually handler and client get their stories in line first.

• Catherine Zeta-Jones turned down a $50,000 ring from a jeweler at Fashion Week, though we hear she was in a hurry to get more minutes.

• Lindsay Lohan is continuing her Jared Leto fetish, pushing to the front of Hammerstein Ballroom to catch his band 30 Seconds to Mars before joining him at the Table 50 after party.

• After Tom Cruise dropped longtime publicist Pat Kingsley in favor of his sister Lee Ann DeVette, she's finally getting her revenge. She's been enlisted by none other than Brooke Shields, Cruise's pharmaceutical foe, to do some repping.

• Condi Rice isn't doing much to fend off those lesbo rumors, hitting the U.S. Open with Monica Seles as part of her three-day vacation.

• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham is playing damage control over her never-read-a-book comments. In fact, she has read books but she "never seem[s] to get the time to finish" because she's a mommy with three small boys. Oh, and David Beckham to handle.

• Vivica A. Fox vowed to beat ABC's Jimmy Kimmel with a shoe over his nasty comments about The View's favorite Bridezilla, Star Jones Reynolds. But that's unfair fight from the start, since Ms. Jones Reynolds just happens to be Payless Shoes' talking head.

• NBC prez Jeff Zucker is on clean up duty after Dateline and the Today show royally screwed George Clooney, pulling the actor in favor of Eva Longoria. Right away, Diane Sawyer plucked him up for Good Morning America, leaving Zucker red-faced and begging for a plea deal.

• Sharon Stone got stabbed by producers of the Lana Turner biopic, supposedly choosing the 12-years-younger Catherine Zeta-Jones for the part — though Scarlett Johnansson is still on the radar.