Remember that part of The Happening, where right before the trees make you kill yourself (ugh) you start talking in this crazy nonsensical syntax, like "I can feel the calculus!" or some shit?

Well, it looks like reporting on Merill Lynch long enough will do that to you too. CNBC's Charlie Gasparino needs to be given a Xanax and maybe some Risperdal, because he's just cracked. Or else he's just pulling a (Jim) Cramer.

Being an economist is sort of like being a weatherman: No matter how good you are at your job, in the end it's mostly a game of change + some educated guessing. But CNBC, the creme de la creme of business news, managed to completely miss the economic crisis that was about to befall the American people. And by the time they did happen to warn everyone about Bear Sterns, they were seen as complicit in the collapse of the investment giant. So much so that Vanity Fair fingered CNBC as being "trigger-happy" "players" in the lender's fall from grace.

Still, CNBC is not happy about missing their chance to raise the alarm, and network correspondent Charlie Gasparino wants to confess all his sins before he is read his rights:

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