• Is crazypants pop star Britney Spears more likable than Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas? Possibly! says this disturbing article in the New Republic.

• Will Smith proves that Phili natives with negligible rapping skills can make their way onto the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

• Jennifer Lopez reminds us all that while money can't buy love, it can buy you the experience of watching your newborn baby poop all over an elegant cashmere onesie.

• Crisis! The days of free porn might be numbered! Related: You utter a disingenuous sigh of disgust and then totally click this link as soon as your boss isn't looking.

CONTINUED »

We've been in this space before. It's the space where we take time out of our grueling 3.5 hour workday to school legions of publicists on how to approach us blog types. Especially the blog types far too cynical to open most emails sent from PR firm domains. (That'd be us.)

Tenured publicists understand how to traffic in standard gossip columns: Feed a semi-scandalous tidbit about a HBO celebrity you saw Cannes this week, and perhaps your luxury liquor client will score a mention next week.

We don't work that way. Mostly because we default to Kettle One even without a gossip item trade. But also because there's no real back-scratching here. Got a great item? We'll run it, even if we don't owe you a favor!

What we won't tolerate, however, is when flacks prepare an item in gift wrap and bows and then messenger it over with the expectation we'll copy and paste it onto the site.

CONTINUED »

• Mariah Carey reminds us why grown women and oversized cocktail napkins don't mix.

• At 47, actor Sean Penn is still strangely attractive. Especially considering he only plays twisted serial killers, perverts and pedophiles.

• Actress Charlize Theron is back to doing what she does best, namely: giving Oscar-caliber performances of ugly people beset by internal conflict.

• Note to Fergie: If you insist on continually singing lip-syncing along to "G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S," you might want to rethink the purple mom-jeans.

• Non-famous reality alum to inexplicably appear on Celebrity Apprentice. Or, as Stereohyped puts it, "Omarosa Returns To The Show That Made Her Marginally Famous." Indeed.

• Ironically, it took being thrown into a Utah rehab center for Lindsay Lohan to have some semblance of a normal life.

Regular people: They're just like celebrities! Remember when Charlize Theron announced she and Stuart Townsend would get married only when the gays have the same right? And Brad Pitt said something similar about his relationship with Angelina Jolie, partly to end speculation of a ring ceremony, partly to stand up for GLBT rights?

Turns out regular folks are making the same committment — and it's going unreported! Reports the always-timely NYT Styles section:

Whether it makes sense or not, some heterosexual couples, mostly in their in 20s and 30s, are protesting the inability of gay and lesbian couples to marry by putting off their own marriage. Unless wedded bliss is available to everyone, in every state, they say, they want no part of it.

Well, at least until the girlfriend lands a job with those glittery things called health benefits, anyway.

• The whole world (meaning all of New York media) is creaming themselves over the announcement of the new Radar staffers. Time to get those resumes in shape, folks. [FBNY]

• Charlize Theron wins yet another small time indy award. Shes' got spirit, yes she do. [MSNBC]

• What the fuck happened while we were in the bathroom? How an entire media war broke out over the Nikki Finke vs. Jesse Oxfeld spat is beyond us. [LA Observed]

• Why does Maggie Gyllenhaal love Peter Sarsgaard? Some may say it's his off beat humor … we prefer to think it's hot ass. [OAN]

• Whoa, we barely recognized Sean Preston Spears with his clothes on. We were started to succumb to the notion that they lived in a naked house. [Mollygood]

Julia Roberts might be the $20 million woman on the big screen, but Catherine Zeta-Jones takes that title (and dollar figure) when it comes to the small screen. Though Mrs. Michael Douglas isn't doing Lifetime MOWs — she's doing T-Mobile, and raking in the cash. On Monday, Adweek's Gail Schiller is going to break down celebrity endorsement deals by the numbers. Perfect timing, too, because the high we got off seeing Bruce Willis shilling for a Japenese fuel company is starting to wane.

After the jump, the listicle you're looking for of the top earners in the sell out category — many of whom you'll only find in international ads. Wouldn't want Americans to know how they make $2 million in a day.

CONTINUED »

• Brokeback Mountain got its second dis since the Oscars when GLAAD presented Charlize Theron with an award for increasing understanding of homosexuality. Wait, we thought she wasn't a lesbian in North Country? [AP]

• David Carr had almost no self confidence when he started at the New York Times. Then he met Jon Friedman. What? We're not saying these incidents are related … they just happened in that order. [Market Watch]

• Nicole Richie says she eats whatever she wants. Which we take to mean "nothing." [Sky]

• As Janet Jackson proves, when you're fat (and then skinny and then fat) you can still shoe shop. Because after eating 10 boxes of ho-hos, you still fit in your shoes the next day. [TMZ]

• Which is funny because the New York Times just published the exact same story. Minus Janet, plus a few drag queens. [NYT]

• And finally, if you lied, or have been suspected of lying, or just tend to exaggerate a little in your reporting, the Times wants to know. So that they won't hire you. [Romenesko]

• Why shouldn't Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie get eight seats for four people? Hello, she's super pregnant, and probably having twins. Plus, nobody wants to sit next to no manners Maddox, with his tongue sticking out all over the place. [Page Six]

• Why would anyone admit to thinking up the same idea that Jessica Simpson had? Everyone thinking you're a complete dumb-ass for the rest of your life just isn't worth it. [Page Six]

• Yummy! Ashton Kutcher’s moves from producing television shows to opening restaurants. [People]

• We really want someone to make a "Charlize Theron has no tits" version of "I fucked Alec Baldwin in his ass". [Sun]

• How do the British have more Brad and Angelina gossip than we do? Guy Ritchie is slated to be BP's best man? We're waiting for the Star report on that one. [Mirror]

• Sean Penn does not expect anyone to quit smoking — hello, Bush is president. That's so totally stressful. [PDA]

• Charlize Theron gets a boost up the butt on the beach. [Just Jared]

• Robin Williams gets all Gene Shalit on Jann Wenner. There's a sentence we never thought we'd say. [WWD]

• We have to say it: Grove, get off the Emily Stern kick. It's over. Nobody cares. [Lowdown]

• Barbie gets a burkha. What's next, G.I. Jihad wearing a turban? [AFP]

• Madonna's been defending hubby Guy Ritchie after the press hammered his latest flic Revolver, but she had to do even more on the red carpet at the UK premiere. Fans booed and hissed at the entertainment power couple, but only because the press started it.

• Chanel will be keeping Kate Moss on as their Coco Mademoiselle fragrance face through October but will not renew her contract when it expires. Their PR spin, of course, insists their decision had nothing to do with her recent cocaine cavoriting.

• Olivia Newton John's nephew is claiming his aunt split with missing boyfriend Patrick McDermott several months ago because of his excessive drinking. As for his disappearance, nephew John thinks he probably fell off the boat drunk.

• At last night's taping of Premiere's Women in Film event, Charlize Theron was on hand to (literally) kiss Shirley MacLaine's ass.

• Kirstie Alley's 50-pound weight loss finds her just 30 pounds away from her goal weight, though we're not sure whether that's good or bad news for Showtime execs yet to announce whether they'll renew Fat Actress.

• Supporting both AIDS research and PETA is an over-extension for Charlize Theron, at least according to Patient Advocates Against PETA supporters, who claim animal rights activists are hindering the search for an AIDS cure.

• While media companies are offering modest sums to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort, New Orleans native Ellen DeGeneres alone pledged $500,000 (well, from her studio) and will use her talk show to raise even more cash.

• It probably won't make the season, but the cast of Real World: Key West has one unhappy neighbor. Production company Bunim/Murray is facing a lawsuit from Edwin O. Swift III, who lives next door to the Real World house in Key Haven. The bright lights are brighter than a "high school football stadium" and that taping has interfered with his family's activities like "relaxing and sleeping," which says nothing of the extramarital, unprotected sex.

• American Idol canceled its Memphis auditions not because Paula Abdul needed more time to nurse a contestant but because the hurricane relief efforts there take precedent.

• Staffers continue to flee Harper's Bazaar, though that doesn't mean September's Demi Moore cover is a pussy issue.